The internet is a depressing place lately. It seems like every time I get online I see a new article or hear a story from another parent about their special needs child being abused at the hands of a caregiver. So this goes out to you, the caregivers: the bus drivers, teachers, classroom aides, Special Ed teachers, Special Ed paraprofessionals, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, Sunday School teachers, Children's ministers, babysitters, and anyone else who has access to my child, both past and present.
Thank you for loving my daughter. I see the way you interact with her, I hear the way you talk to her. I SEE the love, I KNOW you care. I don't need her to use words, I see the way she reacts to you, and I can tell how you treat her. I have always said that she is a good judge of character, and I can tell when she trusts someone. She trusts you, and that is a high compliment.
Thank you for taking the time to enter her world. You will never know how much my world lights up when you talk about her: her personality, her accomplishments, her stresses. When you do, I see how much you care about her. You see, she isn't an easy child to get to know. She would happily spend the day in her own world. But you have taken time to get to know her. You have made an effort to enter her world, you have made an effort to draw her into your world. I can see that you care.
Thank you for accepting her just the way she is. I love my daughter. She is my world. But make no mistake, she is not an easy child! She can't communicate, she throws temper tantrums, bites, pinches, is unpredictable, and melts down easily. And then there's the whole diapers issue - changing diapers on a 5 yr old is less than enjoyable. But here you are, faithfully showing up, altering the classroom, bus, etc. to make it work for her. You change her diapers, clean up her messes, handle her meltdowns, and then show up to do it again with a smile on your face and kindness in your heart.
Thank you for appreciating who she is. My little girl could easily be defined by her disability. Her file at school is filled with big, defining words like "profound developmental delay", "failed to meet goals", "Chromosome 15q duplication syndrome", and many others. Many people would let these words define her. But there's the bus driver who talks about her pretty dress, the aide that talks about her beautiful singing, the children's minister who always greets her with a smile, the therapist that pushes her to do more - I could go on and on with examples of how her caregivers dismiss the labels and define her as a cherished child.
Thank you for choosing this. I'm going to be honest for a minute - prior to my L being born, I'm not sure I would have chosen to parent a child with special needs. It would have seemed so hard. But here she is, and she is my world. I came into this position out of necessity. You came into the caregiver position out of choice. You chose to accept the hard road, and you walk down it with grace. I appreciate that.
Thank you for making my family feel accepted. The world likes conformity. I try to ignore it, but we often get stares and whispers. I'm sure we get plenty of judgement, and there are plenty of people who probably think negatively about my daughter. And then there's this beautiful web of people around us who just see her as a beautiful child. In your own way, you each make it easier for us to navigate this world. You help the world see special children through your eyes. You serve as an example to the other kids in your care. You help us feel at ease when we are so often on guard.
My daughter, and millions of special needs children like her, are so very vulnerable. She can't talk, her communication is limited. All over the world there are people who take advantage of that. I understand. I've felt the frustration of dealing with challenging behaviors all day long. I know it's hard. Thank you for staying the course, staying positive, and addressing challenging behavior head-on. Thank you for not letting frustration take over; and for showing up, day after day, and continuing to help her navigate this world. The world is sometimes a scary place for her, and you have helped her expand her horizons and explore the world. She can't get that from just mom & dad. She needs you too.
Please know that sometimes I am overbearing and overprotective. I am because I have to be - she needs me to protect her, and it's a big job because she is so vulnerable. I read the news, I know the statistics, and I live in fear of whether or not she will be victimized some day. I know the odds are not in her favor, and it's an overwhelming thought. Special needs parents carry a huge burden - we have to protect our children from the world, not just now, but we even have to figure out how to protect our children after we die. It is a consuming task. This momentous task breaks people, tears apart marriages, and destroys families. It is exhausting to be on guard all the time, to be constantly seeking answers to the challenges in her life. So thank you for caring about my child. Thank you for helping shoulder the burden of her care. It may very well be your positive words and affirming attitude that helps a parent while they struggle through the overwhelming task of parenting a special needs child. The ideas that you bring to the table may change our world. The couple of hours that she's in your care may be just what we need to carry on until we get a break again. Sure, having her during Sunday School or babysitting for an evening doesn't seem like a big deal, but sometimes that break is the only thing keeping us sane. There are days when hearing her teacher's positive words are the balm that our soul needs after a tough week of searching for answers. A bus driver's kindness eases the fear in our hearts after we've heard of another child being victimized. A speech therapist's positive goals can ease the fear of how we can protect her if she can never talk. She may never be able to speak the words to thank you for caring, but I will be her voice. Thank you. A million times over, thank you.
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