Ahhh... summer is ending.
I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year.
On one hand, I will miss my kiddos when they go back to school.
On the other hand... WILL THEY EVER GO BACK SO I CAN FINALLY GET THIS HOUSE CLEAN AND SIT DOWN FOR 30 SECONDS!?!?!?!
I have 2 kids with disabilities. They have nice, thick IEPs (because of course we want them to have lots of goals so they make lots of progress, right?) The staff has probably spent too much of their own summer preparing for my complicated children. During the school year I will spend entirely too much of my time working with the school on these things. In short - a whole team of us dedicates a whole lot of time and energy into making sure these kids are learning, are happy, and are integrated into the school as best we know how. I'm eternally grateful for this opportunity.
Sometimes in this laser focus, we get one thing wrong. And it's THE ONE THING that is most important. I have kids with disabilities, not disabilities with kids. They are kids first. Really, they are just kids. Who happen to have some differences and support needs.
They are still just kids.
So, the other day I ran into one of the girls' paraprofessional from school (AMAZING woman, for the record - answer to my prayer!), and she asked how my sassy one was doing. Has she learned any more signs over the summer? (Because language is at the root of all of our goals. You know, those goals that was my obsession ALL. YEAR. LONG.)
As I answered, I became a little panicked. NO. SHE HASN'T! OH MY GOODNESS, SHE HASN'T GAINED MORE THAN A COUPLE OF WORDS. I HAVE WASTED AN ENTIRE SUMMER!
I felt defeated. I suddenly began to look back on the goals that I had set for both of the girls for the summer - we weren't very far on any of them. I AM OBVIOUSLY THE WORST MOM IN HISTORY!
Then I took a deep breath, focused, and remembered this one fact. My daughters are kids first.
Do I spend all summer working on carefully scripted goals for my neurotypical kids? NO.
Is everyone else and their "normal" kids working on goals all summer? NO
What are their non-disabled peers doing all summer? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.
What did my children (who happen to have disabilities somewhere down on the list of their personal attributes) spend their summer doing? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.
NAILED IT. We rocked this summer!
Was it a waste? No. What did we learn? That family is more important than school. (This is super important for Ms. Sassy, who is still learning what family means) That we can go on vacation, change our routine, and then come back and resume routine and nobody will die. (Those of you with routine-driven kids will get it. lol) How language is used in a family, how to count out silverware for the family, how to help with household tasks, how to sing every song from Moana. The girls learned what it feels like to bury their legs in the sand, how to walk up and down the pool ladder, how to ask Daddy to throw them in the air one. more. time. They created memories with their brothers, they met new friends. Ms. Sassy started coming up to me & her daddy and just sit on our laps. She learned to just be, and to snuggle, and to seek out our love. No words needed.
These things are important.
These things are the stuff life is made of.
This is such a natural concept with our kids who don't have disabilities - why is it so hard to let go of the goals for my kids with disabilities?
This summer I let go. I let my kids with disabilities just be kids. I forgot about the disability completely. I laid my goals down.
This school year I will walk in and the professionals will ask how it went. They will be ready for the new list of words the girls have learned and the new list of skills they have gained so the awesome progress can be integrated into the school day. This year I will resist the urge to stress out about minimal progress over the summer. I will ignore the pit in my stomach as I brace myself for the judgement of professionals as I say we had no measurable progress. This year I will be proud of our lack of progress. (Side note: I'm not calling anyone out here, the professionals probably don't worry about it half as much as I do - but this judgement is often perceived by us parents)
This summer I did something bold and brazen - I gave my kids permission to JUST BE KIDS.
I didn't measure or quantify anything. I hung out with my kids. I can't measure their progress this summer. Yes, they made progress. They learned skills. EVERY child learns skills just by being part of family life - chores, vacations, conversations. They are learning all day, every day. That is just what kids do. We don't make lists for our "typical" kids, so we don't have to constantly make lists for our kids with disabilities. ("typical put in quotes because I'm not even sure what "typical" is)
So today, friends, let's band together and do this one radical thing: Let's let our kids with disabilities actually, truly be kids first. Let's let ourselves just be parents first. At least for a little while.
And that is exactly why I don't care about the summer slump.
To the staff at the school: sorry/not sorry.
To my kids: This summer rocked! Let's do it again next year.
I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year.
On one hand, I will miss my kiddos when they go back to school.
On the other hand... WILL THEY EVER GO BACK SO I CAN FINALLY GET THIS HOUSE CLEAN AND SIT DOWN FOR 30 SECONDS!?!?!?!
I have 2 kids with disabilities. They have nice, thick IEPs (because of course we want them to have lots of goals so they make lots of progress, right?) The staff has probably spent too much of their own summer preparing for my complicated children. During the school year I will spend entirely too much of my time working with the school on these things. In short - a whole team of us dedicates a whole lot of time and energy into making sure these kids are learning, are happy, and are integrated into the school as best we know how. I'm eternally grateful for this opportunity.
Sometimes in this laser focus, we get one thing wrong. And it's THE ONE THING that is most important. I have kids with disabilities, not disabilities with kids. They are kids first. Really, they are just kids. Who happen to have some differences and support needs.
They are still just kids.
So, the other day I ran into one of the girls' paraprofessional from school (AMAZING woman, for the record - answer to my prayer!), and she asked how my sassy one was doing. Has she learned any more signs over the summer? (Because language is at the root of all of our goals. You know, those goals that was my obsession ALL. YEAR. LONG.)
As I answered, I became a little panicked. NO. SHE HASN'T! OH MY GOODNESS, SHE HASN'T GAINED MORE THAN A COUPLE OF WORDS. I HAVE WASTED AN ENTIRE SUMMER!
I felt defeated. I suddenly began to look back on the goals that I had set for both of the girls for the summer - we weren't very far on any of them. I AM OBVIOUSLY THE WORST MOM IN HISTORY!
Then I took a deep breath, focused, and remembered this one fact. My daughters are kids first.
Do I spend all summer working on carefully scripted goals for my neurotypical kids? NO.
Is everyone else and their "normal" kids working on goals all summer? NO
What are their non-disabled peers doing all summer? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.
What did my children (who happen to have disabilities somewhere down on the list of their personal attributes) spend their summer doing? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.
NAILED IT. We rocked this summer!
Was it a waste? No. What did we learn? That family is more important than school. (This is super important for Ms. Sassy, who is still learning what family means) That we can go on vacation, change our routine, and then come back and resume routine and nobody will die. (Those of you with routine-driven kids will get it. lol) How language is used in a family, how to count out silverware for the family, how to help with household tasks, how to sing every song from Moana. The girls learned what it feels like to bury their legs in the sand, how to walk up and down the pool ladder, how to ask Daddy to throw them in the air one. more. time. They created memories with their brothers, they met new friends. Ms. Sassy started coming up to me & her daddy and just sit on our laps. She learned to just be, and to snuggle, and to seek out our love. No words needed.
These things are important.
These things are the stuff life is made of.
This is such a natural concept with our kids who don't have disabilities - why is it so hard to let go of the goals for my kids with disabilities?
This summer I let go. I let my kids with disabilities just be kids. I forgot about the disability completely. I laid my goals down.
This school year I will walk in and the professionals will ask how it went. They will be ready for the new list of words the girls have learned and the new list of skills they have gained so the awesome progress can be integrated into the school day. This year I will resist the urge to stress out about minimal progress over the summer. I will ignore the pit in my stomach as I brace myself for the judgement of professionals as I say we had no measurable progress. This year I will be proud of our lack of progress. (Side note: I'm not calling anyone out here, the professionals probably don't worry about it half as much as I do - but this judgement is often perceived by us parents)
This summer I did something bold and brazen - I gave my kids permission to JUST BE KIDS.
I didn't measure or quantify anything. I hung out with my kids. I can't measure their progress this summer. Yes, they made progress. They learned skills. EVERY child learns skills just by being part of family life - chores, vacations, conversations. They are learning all day, every day. That is just what kids do. We don't make lists for our "typical" kids, so we don't have to constantly make lists for our kids with disabilities. ("typical put in quotes because I'm not even sure what "typical" is)
So today, friends, let's band together and do this one radical thing: Let's let our kids with disabilities actually, truly be kids first. Let's let ourselves just be parents first. At least for a little while.
And that is exactly why I don't care about the summer slump.
To the staff at the school: sorry/not sorry.
To my kids: This summer rocked! Let's do it again next year.
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