tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44458592339293281742024-03-21T21:46:27.189-07:0015 Miles From NowhereLife, love, and learning to bloom where we're planted... even if it's 15 miles from nowhereShandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-24281243964839973452018-07-02T19:05:00.001-07:002018-07-02T19:25:17.408-07:00Grieving fearfully & wonderfully made.The grief seems to hit out of nowhere. Most of the time it lays dormant, but some days it just takes my breath away. This is the grief of the special needs mom<br />
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If you have known me very long, you know I am FIRMLY planted in the camp of thinking that my children with disabilities were perfectly made. I have quoted Psalm 139:14 a million times. I just don't believe God makes mistakes. And yes, it gets philosophically deeper and more complex than that, but at the end of the day, I hold fast that people with disabilities are not broken & God has a plan for them.<br />
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But some days I grieve. Sometimes this plan is not easy for me to understand. Some days this particular picture of "fearfully and wonderfully made" Is. Not. What. I. Want.<br />
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There are days I want off this path and on the path where my kids are all honor students. I don't want to spend the next 30 years changing diapers, but I might. I long to have conversations with my daughters. I don't want to navigate puberty and adulthood and independence with children with significant disabilities. I just don't know how I can do that. This weight is so much.<br />
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Sometimes it weighs on me extra. I don't compare my kids, because I love their uniqueness, but sometimes it's hard not to... 2 1/2 yrs ago Sassypants came home at the same functioning level as our Ladybug. Sassypants had 6 1/2 yrs of institutionalization to overcome. Ladybug has been adored since the moment she entered this world, and has had medical care, therapies, and an entire family has learned how to help her since she was an infant.<br />
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In 2 yrs I have watched Sassypants go miles while Ladybug has gone inches. I ask myself... what more can I do? Where have I gone wrong? How will we get where we need to be at this rate?<br />
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It's really not me, I know this. They're built differently. That's okay. That's WONDERFUL. And it's still hard to swallow. This is the grief. I rejoice with you when your child wins an award or gets married. And I grieve that 2 of my children will not have that. I celebrate that my girls are in the mainstream classroom all day, and I grieve that it requires meetings and staff and a whole complicated dance to make that happen. I push for more inclusion everywhere but I hate that very often the cost of their inclusion is my exclusion, because I can't be with the other parents. I stand boldly for the rights of people with disabilities while silently grieving that many people not understand that they should have these rights.<br />
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This is a hard journey. Special needs parenting is a difficult task.<br />
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It is a hard line to walk - speaking to the raw, honest truth about how hard this can be and speaking to the other truth: that ALL of my children are amazing and worthy and made in God's image - even the ones with disabilities. I fail at sharing the hard parts of the journey, because I want you to see the VALUE of my children. So I share the new words and the milestones, and I skip over the days I scrub poop off the walls. Today I'm tired and grieving and I'm sharing that.<br />
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Today I'm being brave and baring it all to tell you: this is hard work. In our family 2 kids have disabilities, but the WHOLE FAMILY has special needs. It is always this way. The whole family needs extra. More on that later I suppose. But for today, I'll just be brave and admit that this journey is often tremendously hard. And then I'll make myself a cup of tea and sit down for a moment and allow myself to grieve, all the while continuing to marvel in the wonder and perfection of my children - all of them.<br />
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"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14</div>
Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-30910714256659572902018-06-13T20:59:00.000-07:002018-06-13T21:00:07.735-07:00Little girl lost. & found."Are you sure you can help her?" We were asked.<br />
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The meaning was clear: this child is beyond help. There are others who can be helped.</div>
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"Yes, absolutely!" I answered, with more assurance than I felt.</div>
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Truthfully, I had no idea how we would help her. I knew where we would start, and I knew we had a lot of knowledge, but frankly, I was unsure what she was capable of. I was unsure of what I was capable of.</div>
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I knew she was ours, so I HAD TO help her. There HAD TO be a way. So I answered with more enthusiasm than I felt. </div>
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I felt a lot of fear that day, after we met the wild little girl who was clearly locked very deeply in her own world. I don't know what I imagined her to be like, but this wasn't it. I wasn't disappointed - I learned long ago to let go of my expectations of what my children would be like & free myself to enjoy who God made them to be. I knew in my heart the moment we committed, before we knew anything about her, that her needs would be significant. But wow. This was actually a lot.</div>
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But I said yes, without a doubt, that I could help her. She was my child. I've heard lots of labels for my sassypants, both from her country of birth and highly paid specialists here. Most of the labels have been scary, but I mostly ignore them. I've always been the type that has a NEED to do what is deemed impossible. Maybe God knew that question needed to be voiced to me, because my instant response mentally would be "challenge accepted!"</div>
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So, day by day, little by little, we tackle the hard work that goes into undoing 6 yrs without language and learning. We tackle it slower than most, because she learns very uniquely. I have a lot of knowledge but I'm not a professional, just a mom taking it one day at a time, teaching as we go. I think that Sassypants mentally responded "challenge accepted" somewhere along the way too. She certainly seems to enjoy surpassing expectations. She is the rock star here, not me. Her & Jesus, who orchestrated this whole thing. ❤</div>
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This journey has been hard. I have often doubted my ability to be everything she needs. I have lost a lot of myself along the way, but I've also learned along the way that I will gladly sacrifice myself to help my daughter find herself. She has both broken me and put me together. </div>
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So, on to the update... for those who are wondering, THIS is the picture of unteachable.</div>
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She needs lots of help (less each time!) and she always sneaks a bite of the food, but look at her there - cooking! (For the record, I usually steal a bite too. I might be enabling that habit. Oops.) ;-)</div>
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That pic was right after tasting the pizza sauce. She's not amused by my picture taking though. ;-)</div>
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Dinner. Made by Sassypants. I guess we figured out that whole learning thing. </div>
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That first day I wondered what her future would look like. If I asked an expert even now, they would tell me independence is unlikely. But we know already what my response would be, right? </div>
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Challenge accepted. </div>
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Maybe I'm crazy to say I'm excited to see how much independence she will have in the future; but then again, I just ate dinner prepared by the little girl who was too far lost to be helped. </div>
Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-75347690151558991322018-06-04T14:49:00.000-07:002018-06-04T14:49:33.381-07:00Adoption updateWhew! The last few months have been crazy busy with fundraisers! Last weekend we just wrapped up the second huge garage sale, and we are exhausted!<br />
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I crunched numbers today and our financial need is down to $10,500! That is a huge number, but it is less than 1/3 of the total cost, so that is awesome!! Our first trip should be the end of July, so we are nearing the home stretch of fundraising as well as the adoption process. That is so encouraging! We are so thankful for all of the love and support thus far. Our local community has been especially amazing! Everything we have done has turned out well! Our long distance friends & family probably wonder why we're never fundraising, but we've done so much local stuff that we haven't done as much online. That is awesome! :-)<br />
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We have also been blessed with 2 matching grants and some super generous donations, which helped us meet both! That made a huge dent! (& to be clear - any size donation is super generous in my book) ;-)<br />
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For the next few weeks we are taking some down time to rest & enjoy our kids at home. We have been going 100mph for several months now, and we need some rest. At the center of our desire to adopt is the desire to share our family with children in need. This only works if our family is healthy, happy, and well-tended to. Our children deserve our best. So perhaps it seems irresponsible to rest while we still have so far to go, but this is what our family needs. We will still work on smaller fundraisers, but don't look for anything big until July. Please keep praying for our process, especially for the boys who are about to have their lives changed in a huge way. Thank you so much for the way you have loved our boys. As I sit and reflect on this process, what blows me away the most is how so many people are rooting for these boys - children who were largely forgotten by the world are now loved from afar by so many people. <3<br />
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Keep praying & sharing. Thank you for being part of our tribe.<br />
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www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden-2<br />
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-53351856364662529702018-03-29T10:35:00.003-07:002018-03-29T10:37:59.396-07:00Community.You know, I really hate fundraising for something for myself (like this adoption.) I have many times just wished we had enough money to afford it on our own. But you know - in the months since we shared our commitment to our family, church, and community, we have seen people come alongside us in amazing ways. We have seen our tribe rise up and support us, even people who really don't know us that well. We have seen how the people in our circle & our greater community value the lives of these children. If we had been able to pay for this all ourselves, we would have missed this.<br />
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If we could have afforded this adoption we would have probably forever missed knowing exactly how amazing our friends, family, church, and community are.<br />
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I am convinced now more than ever that this place of overwhelm is where the magic happens. God called us out into this place of overwhelm - this place where we are so out of our depth that we HAD to have a miracle. We went. (I'll admit, we whined a little to God about how maybe He was just asking too much, but in the end, we went. This faith thing is still a work in progress after all!)<br />
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I guess what I didn't know before, that I'm convinced of now, is that in this place where a miracle is needed, the magic is in ordinary people. The magic is in the friend sewing for us, the friends organizing fundraisers for us, the people finding us fundraiser opportunities, donating goods, services, money, and time. The magic is in the women asking for Valentine's from our fundraiser as well as anonymous donations and not-so-anonymous donations. The magic is the excitement everyone has over 2 little boys who most of the world would label as "broken." The magic is our people, and I'm so thankful for them all.<br />
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If you ever wondered if doing something small for someone else even matters, let me assure you - it does.<br />
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(P.S. if you are one of the people that has helped, welcome to our family - you now officially have crazy relatives. 😉😂)<br />
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And I am convinced now more than ever, that we live in the best place on earth - even if we don't have trees. 😉 (my long distance supporters, we love you too. I'm just kind of blown away by the locals right now) 😊Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-33624799350452090912018-02-05T06:32:00.000-08:002018-02-05T06:32:02.557-08:00fundraising stinks. friends are awesome.<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hate fundraising for my own adoption, I really do. I just want to be able to write a check and bring these kids home. A little part of me feels like I'm begging people for money. A little part feels like it's my responsibility and maybe I shouldn't ask my friends and family for help. I have a million doubts about fundraising, but at the end of the day, I think of kids stuck in institutions, and I press on. The kids need me more than I need my pride. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know deep down that it's okay for people to come together to bring these boys home. I know that it allows the story to ripple out and touch more people, but I still don't necessarily like the exercise of repeatedly humbling myself and asking for help.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For the last three months I've had a list of fundraisers rolling around in my head, and I've been working on nailing down dates for them all, and coming up with an overall plan to get us funded. It has been a daunting, overwhelming task. Every time I see or say $32,000, I get a little scared. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So one day I'm at church and 2 friends pull me aside. They've been talking, and they have an idea. They came up with a fundraiser idea, ran it by me, and then here's the good part - they took over the planning. They told me they wanted the load off me, I just needed to show up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They planned a ladies' paint party. We had it last weekend. Now, I did help before the event (just FYI so you don't think I'm a slacker) ;-) It was SO FUN. The prep work was fun, because instead of doing it largely alone, I was hanging out with friends. The ladies took care of the details like registration, location, etc, and basically just bossed me around. Which was a HUGE weight off. The physical load isn't the hard part of adopting and fundraising - it's the mental load of finishing the dossier, planning the fundraisers, raising the kiddos already home, and preparing for 2 more. I feel like my head is about to explode with details half of the time. And somehow my friends knew just what to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These ladies - they know how to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Sometimes it's not asking "how can I help?", but it's enthusiastically saying "this is what I'm doing to help you." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The actual painting party was a blast. I'm not crafty so I don't really get the appeal of those events, but now I do. It wasn't the painting, it was the tables full of ladies laughing, talking, and helping each other paint. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the end of the day, we counted the money... I needed just under $1100 this week for USCIS fees. We raised $1100. Isn't God cool?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt so uplifted after this. It wasn't just the money; it was the fellowship, the love, the feeling of the burden shifted as it was carried by many and not just me. It was really profound.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My takeaway is this: How can I help carry the burden for someone else without waiting for them to ask?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am so thankful for my friends, for all of the amazing ladies who showed up, and for God's perfect provision and timing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fundraising stinks. Friends are awesome.</span></div>
Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-58759349770504551792018-01-27T06:39:00.000-08:002018-01-27T06:39:05.640-08:00radical obedience, holy desperation<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I sit here in this place of radical obedience to God's call - where my entire life is laid out on the altar for what He has called us to do, and the thoughts whir...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's the thing about radical faith that you don't realize until you dive in over your heads - this is a holy place. This place where I can't possibly finish this on my own, where God HAS TO show up, it's a holy place. It's a place that can make you want to turn around, walk away, and do something sane with your life; but it's also a place that can drive you to your knees.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This place can show you God in a way you've never seen Him. All of the sudden you NEED Him. I live a comfortable American life. How many times do I need God? Sure, I need His grace and love every day, but when was the last time I needed Him to handle the logistics of my daily life? It's not very often. My life is pretty smooth. But this place - He HAS TO show up or these kids aren't coming home. It isn't even remotely possible for me to come up with $30k in 6 months on my own. So I live in this place of holy desperation - desperate to see God, to feel God, to know that I'm following His instructions in every monotonous detail. I'm desperate for Him to come through. Every cell in my body cries out for Him. It's hard to maintain this level of need in my every day life. I'm weak, and I slip & take the reins back. When I'm in this desperate place I can't help it. It is a holy place, because it is the place where I find Jesus over and over. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not easy to live life in over your head, but it is easy to enjoy this closeness with God. We've done this before, and we know that with this adoption we are committing to be over our heads for quite awhile. We don't really know what is coming with these boys, but we know we are committing to walk a long, hard road with them for as long as it takes to see deep healing. We don't know much about their needs associated with their disabilities, but we are committing to whatever level of support they need for the rest of our lives. It's not always easy to live this life, but it's easy to love this life. It's easy to love the beautiful family that God is knitting together, and that makes the hard work become good work. Helping children heal - it's consuming, exhausting, hard work, but it's holy work.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a control freak by nature. Perhaps the hardest part about this place is the lack of control. We have given God complete control of building our family. The country we are going to doesn't legally match children with families until the families are in the country preparing to meet the child. This means that it's possible that we could come home with different children. We are praying for, loving, and preparing for these 2 children, but there are no guarantees. That thought takes my breath away. All I have is God. All I have is the assurance that God will place the perfect children in our home. All I can do is pray, because my only power is prayer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This place I'm in - it's so desperate. I'm utterly powerless over so many things - timelines, finances, travel, even the children I'm coming home with. I have to repeatedly lay aside my desires and ask what God's will is. I have many ideas of what our family should look like, but it's not up to me. The only thing I can do is pray, listen for God's voice, and work hard at what I'm asked to do. Everything else is up to God. This is a hard thing, but it is a wonderful thing - I have front row seat to watch the miracles. When I lay aside my wants, I have the experience of feeling God change my desires to match His will, and suddenly I'm handed something way better than what I wanted in the first place. God's will is always the best for us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm at the very beginning of this journey with God. My faith is young, my experience is limited, and I have a lot to learn. But I am not content sitting back reading about it - I want to learn while IN this place of desperation. Every hour fundraising, every dead end or great success, every piece of paperwork, every prayer uttered for those boys, and every hard moment when we get home is my offering to them and to God. Every part of my life and my family is laid out as an offering to God - He can do what He wishes. Our entire family, even our children, are on board with this. We've done this before, we know the possibilities, and it would be easy to pick the pieces back up and tell God we don't want to surrender it all. He would let us do that. He would let us stop. He would let us keep our comfortable American lives. But it wouldn't be His best for us, and we know that. We certainly hope that we are impressing that upon our children, as they willingly walk this road with us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I lay it out for God, because I do not fear what hard things I will be asked to do next - I fear what hard things these children will endure if I do not walk this road. I fear what I will miss if I walk away from God's will. So I will remain in this hard place of surrender. Surrender is beautiful. Desperation is life-altering. God is good.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting to take that jump into what big,crazy thing God is asking you to do - do it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God" - Corrie Ten Boom</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-26878456008527457412018-01-21T14:27:00.000-08:002018-01-21T14:27:07.484-08:00Reckless loveI have a confession. Sometimes it's hard for me to actually comprehend how much God loves me. It's hard for me to really truly understand why He chooses to love such an imperfect human. I don't deserve it.<br />
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And don't quote the bible to me please - I know what it says. Comprehending that deep in my soul is different than reading it.<br />
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Not long ago my husband and I attended a prayer conference with some members of our church. The worship there was the most amazing experience of my life. In the midst of this worship we sang a song that I had never heard before, called "Reckless Love." Music speaks to me often, but this time was so powerful - it finally clicked.<br />
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As I sang, I saw this exact moment in my mind:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVGhR-DyXzR8c-BQx_WDXNI_kKQNxyPe5gs56BjrQu_AgcSx3_pkxhumw7HROl9bF788XiYGTNU5oaiye6VPB6Mvg9QN_5_icfE7RNJWLdcOVOoHW5dHT55qdYwyR0Y4R-tcw-yO9M2nuJ/s1600/20151214_112604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVGhR-DyXzR8c-BQx_WDXNI_kKQNxyPe5gs56BjrQu_AgcSx3_pkxhumw7HROl9bF788XiYGTNU5oaiye6VPB6Mvg9QN_5_icfE7RNJWLdcOVOoHW5dHT55qdYwyR0Y4R-tcw-yO9M2nuJ/s320/20151214_112604.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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This moment sums up so much. It was the beginning of a little girl accepting her daddy's love.<br />
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I've heard repeatedly that adoption is gospel in action. I always brushed it off, but now I see it.<br />
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Adopting V was reckless. That daddy in the picture - he didn't need another kid, he CHOSE another kid. He committed a reckless amount of money that he didn't have, to adopt a little girl he had never met, who lived halfway across the world. He chose a kid who was written off because of the severity of her disabilities. He left his other children home to travel thousands of miles to chose her. He chose to sit with her in a tiny, hot, cramped room as many hours as they would give him, to earn her trust. He chose to pick her up, sing to her, and love her with no expectations in return, and in this moment she received it for a few minutes. He wasn't naive - He knew she may never fully love him in return, he knew her needs were huge, he knew the cost would be great for many years to come. He knew she was a mess. And he loved her recklessly.<br />
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Like God loves us.<br />
Recklessly.<br />
Unconditionally.<br />
With no expectations.<br />
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I look at my daughter and I see it now. I see how God loves us. As I clean poop off her, chase answers for her, and pour into her, I see it. I know she is a broken, imperfect human. I know she may not yet understand what "forever" or "I love you" means. And I would do it again. If the cost was higher, the miles were longer, and the rewards were less, I would still do it.<br />
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I love her recklessly, because she is my child. I love all of my children recklessly, because they are my children.<br />
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God loves us recklessly, because we are His children. It really is that simple.<br />
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I hope you take a minute to listen if you haven't heard this song. It has blessed my socks off.<br />
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Take a deep breath today and just receive God's love.<br />
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These lyrics are so true:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's no shadow You won't light up</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mountain You won't climb up</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coming after me</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's no wall You won't kick down</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No lie You won't tear down</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coming after me</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I couldn't earn it</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't deserve it</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Still You give yourself away</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God</span></blockquote>
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-66724444619004641862018-01-20T07:26:00.002-08:002018-01-20T07:31:00.749-08:00An update on the current processFinally, a long overdue update on where we are in this adoption...<br />
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We haven't updated a lot, because this part of the adoption is pretty boring, but very busy behind the scenes. The first step in any adoption is getting a home study done. This is where we hire a social worker to look into our background, finances, home, etc, and determine if we are prepared for another adoption. This process was daunting for our first two adoptions. The first time was, well, nerve wracking because it was the first. The second time was nerve wracking because it was the first international adoption, so very different. This time has been much easier, because it was very similar to the last time, so we knew what to expect. The home study takes awhile, but a lot of that time is waiting - for background checks, for the social worker to have time to come here, for her to write and edit it, etc. Our home study is currently complete and being reviewed by our agency, which is great! We expect to have it in our hands next week.</div>
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While finishing up the home study, it's time for the next step - dossier prep. This is where you gather the documents required by the country that you are going to. We have a big chunk of the dossier done. A couple of weeks ago we took 27 dossier documents to have them state certified, and sent them off to go with a traveling family to our children's country. A couple of the forms need to be filed now, but the rest will be translated and wait for the rest of the dossier to arrive so that our complete dossier can be filed and we can receive approval to meet our children. Filing is the last step, which can't be complete until our USCIS approval is in hand.</div>
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Next, we file for USCIS approval. We need pre-approval for our child to immigrate into the country. This approval is taking awhile right now, so it will cause some waiting. I'm guesstimating between 2 & 3 months, but I'll start obsessing over timelines and comparing with others, and get a better timeline pretty soon. ;-) This doesn't completely take care of immigration - we still have to file for final approval and a visa after the adoption is complete and before we can bring our children into the US. However, all of this work (& expense) ahead of time means that our children will become citizens as soon as we enter the US. We will file for this approval as soon as we have the home study in hand, so it will most likely be next week. Then we wait.</div>
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After our USCIS application is approved, we send it over the ocean, our dossier is filed, and we wait for travel approval. Right now it's taking about 3 months from submission to travel (a few weeks for approval and then travel a few weeks after that), but again, I'll have a more accurate guesstimate soon. The time lines for USCIS approval, dossier approval, and travel can also speed up or slow down depending on a lot of things, so we plan very loosely and pray a lot once the home study is done. And fundraise like crazy.</div>
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SO - my best guess is we'll be traveling in 6 months or so. We'll fundraise like crazy for the next few months, and try not to plan the big stuff at the end of the time period, just in case. We'll plan for our kids and home very loosely, and finalize things when we get our travel dates.</div>
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The biggest challenge is coming up with $30k in 6 months. We have taken care of most of the up front costs from savings, but now we HAVE TO fundraise the rest. We tapped everything there was to tap for the last 2 adoptions (especially the last international adoption) & to get this one started, and now we can't do it on our own ability. We have to fundraise. On the flip side of that - this time we know what we're doing, and our community is already beginning to step up to help us. We have a daunting number in front of us, but we also have the faith to know that God will provide. </div>
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If you want to be part of helping us fundraise, please contact me. It can be as simple as an idea for a fundraiser, or as complicated as putting one together for us. It can be donating an item we can sell, giving time to a fundraiser, making a financial donation, or pooling money with friends to create a matching grant that can help us garner additional donations. It's all equal. Every dime, every hour of help, every prayer is appreciated. We don't consider any of it to be small - it's all love for our family and our newest little boys, and that is huge. It's all huge to us, and God sees it all. Thank you to those who have already come along beside us - we have already been moved by you. And thank you to those who still will. You are all our heroes.</div>
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P.S. Take a look at the pages across the top - the Cost page is updated and a Fundraisers page is in the process. They'll both be updated regularly as we go, so check back if you're curious what we're up to<br />
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P.P.S. Tax deductible donations can be made at <a href="https://reecesrainbow.org/123291/sponsoroden-2" target="_blank">https://reecesrainbow.org/123291/sponsoroden-2 </a></div>
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-23355787759427020252018-01-18T19:14:00.001-08:002018-01-18T19:14:25.167-08:00Two years free...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today marks two years since I picked this little spitfire up from the institution. I almost can't imagine her as the little girl in this picture...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVTX7lq4DKWKJRLbVB4Yu492pkeBO8OGitNjBShWo1RC_ncLFxTiPB21PlxOWao3C1TdpkJkOIF6yRVdql395vo2mZA1Q9hjaq9WMHPYTyn1bLu9iwRUxo8kbgAk0GGCGqKB7FuvGkSNDA/s1600/11181742_886077948136815_1422858582051105556_n%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVTX7lq4DKWKJRLbVB4Yu492pkeBO8OGitNjBShWo1RC_ncLFxTiPB21PlxOWao3C1TdpkJkOIF6yRVdql395vo2mZA1Q9hjaq9WMHPYTyn1bLu9iwRUxo8kbgAk0GGCGqKB7FuvGkSNDA/s1600/11181742_886077948136815_1422858582051105556_n%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">V's listing picture</td></tr>
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The girl that we met that first day was deeply locked in her own world. She had constant tics. She had no language. Zero. She is profoundly deaf and had never heard or seen language. She had the self help skills of an infant. We were warned she may never learn. She was a scary choice, but she was God's choice for us, so we bravely made that choice.<br />
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Well, she learned. She's growing, changing, and learning. Her tics are gone. She's calm and smart and interactive.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jrIcH9C5s5iegsfNOdQ9fhpuF4pIrTinb5fyLefCJ-CTxkdGQ4Oxzq_TkSGZX6qGLbNMF4837Z2D31ubnu5pZUwvp4tf5ADF11sxcZKbggNcCGXh86AEncM_dcy33G_MNkU0QvR3PLIo/s1600/12661913_946191625458780_2737253777262688356_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jrIcH9C5s5iegsfNOdQ9fhpuF4pIrTinb5fyLefCJ-CTxkdGQ4Oxzq_TkSGZX6qGLbNMF4837Z2D31ubnu5pZUwvp4tf5ADF11sxcZKbggNcCGXh86AEncM_dcy33G_MNkU0QvR3PLIo/s1600/12661913_946191625458780_2737253777262688356_n.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A couple of weeks home</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikUBo74pB_taDPU4FiIYcyBR15DxK2T1VgDCLtr2INqvW9vwKy2SfPxVtxL166bGY3W2R35NpckgCfHfb58U70k5yUu_y9BoxpBAHOQgtduRnS14aAV4aD0yYiurwFlNliC5QUdyBLy5qh/s1600/1V9A2660.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1116" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikUBo74pB_taDPU4FiIYcyBR15DxK2T1VgDCLtr2INqvW9vwKy2SfPxVtxL166bGY3W2R35NpckgCfHfb58U70k5yUu_y9BoxpBAHOQgtduRnS14aAV4aD0yYiurwFlNliC5QUdyBLy5qh/s320/1V9A2660.jpg" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About a month home</td></tr>
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She's beautiful, vibrant, and sassy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFwMH-fedGl1qJT9oZ7Xde6jEC2Yk2oMYgQ-rqE2Ws_clRIX8hHhebp103gYj98xwRHQ3OK77-djlJ-s8XUv4BhWd-sobjIigxQzed2A_H38OuAXP-PLJfOgc-vGulXExG7kma0ow7jLr/s1600/20160925_142301_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFwMH-fedGl1qJT9oZ7Xde6jEC2Yk2oMYgQ-rqE2Ws_clRIX8hHhebp103gYj98xwRHQ3OK77-djlJ-s8XUv4BhWd-sobjIigxQzed2A_H38OuAXP-PLJfOgc-vGulXExG7kma0ow7jLr/s320/20160925_142301_001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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She's smart. Yes, she has a significant intellectual disability, but she can out smart all of us. She figures things out. Language is hard, but it's coming. We stopped counting at 100 signs. She's learning to have simple conversations. She understands tons of signs. She amazes us.<br />
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Home is her favorite place. Daddy is her favorite person, but Mommy is moving her way up on the list. ;-) She is adored by many.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwNpnqPNEqsexYboAuGSMtdZzR6LzTYDW0pyx_RQO_k_6h79O67bdkYM2409Xa1WVyXjHn9Qpu9NDRj8M6BmnZfS4an45LCwbBVjTdLO4msxbjn7R7N342px8eqvGf7-bOu2WObNglaMN-/s1600/20170212_151836.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwNpnqPNEqsexYboAuGSMtdZzR6LzTYDW0pyx_RQO_k_6h79O67bdkYM2409Xa1WVyXjHn9Qpu9NDRj8M6BmnZfS4an45LCwbBVjTdLO4msxbjn7R7N342px8eqvGf7-bOu2WObNglaMN-/s320/20170212_151836.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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She loves chickens, cheese, swinging, and fish. She is learning independence and her confidence is growing.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ecstatic about the chickens at the fair</td></tr>
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She has had two years of family, medical care, education, love, & nutrition. Two years of ordinary family life, and she has blossomed.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PgtKPRvMx0IVedbXCesnH7_eRi0DghcQqiN3BwTvui1pPPNNMpvZhN5YdAW-HaUhJxEeG71EYDdVWMTHl-qwTlBdYOnTAwOPaT2pwAaDf4j63sKSOCIpU7jkZcPA1-2GDTELid6-4I03/s1600/Resized952017071895095757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PgtKPRvMx0IVedbXCesnH7_eRi0DghcQqiN3BwTvui1pPPNNMpvZhN5YdAW-HaUhJxEeG71EYDdVWMTHl-qwTlBdYOnTAwOPaT2pwAaDf4j63sKSOCIpU7jkZcPA1-2GDTELid6-4I03/s320/Resized952017071895095757.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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She entered our lives and made them extraordinary. Our family may have changed her, but she has changed us just as much.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Halloween. She was a farmer. She loved it.</td></tr>
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My sweet V, freedom looks good on you. I can't wait to see what the next 60 years hold. </div>
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-46545946591997553812017-10-28T05:51:00.000-07:002017-10-28T05:51:24.131-07:00Perfection, daddies, and meeting our sassy girlMy favorite memory from adopting our sassy girl - as written a few months after it happened, but being shared now - almost 2 years later. Enjoy. :-)<br />
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When you start the adoption process, you spend a lot of time thinking about the moment you're going to meet your child. It all boils down to that moment. Maybe it's picture perfect for some people - I guess it has to be, since there seems to be plenty of videos circulating the internet, but I'll venture a guess that it's not that way for most people. Anyway, I digress. So here's our story.</div>
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I was nervous, in a time zone 8 hours different from home, jetlagged, and I didn't sleep much at all the night before. Our day started at 6am when our facilitator picked us up for the drive. If my memory is correct, the drive from our apartment to our daughter's region was about 2 hours. And guess what? I get carsick! I honestly didn't even think it would be an issue because I rarely get carsick at home - the roads are straight and smooth and I sit in the front seat. However, in the back seat of a car on bumpy roads is a recipe for me feeling like I'm going to puke all day. So, here I am exhausted, nervous, and nauseous. First stop - the regional social worker's office, where we met the woman whose approval we had to have for our adoption, who then rode with us for the hour drive to the orphanage.</div>
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At the orphanage we were ushered into a room and we were surrounded by staff, the social worker, and our facilitators. Then they brought in this little girl - she was ALL OVER THE PLACE. She was in constant motion. No attention, no focus, impossible to reign in. It was as if they had let her out of a cage and she felt she had to move constantly to expend the pent up energy. Forget eye contact or connection or "here are your parents" or picture perfect moments. She was tiny and wild and completely locked in her own world. And while we were trying to take this all in, the staff was bombarding us with information about her and none of it was good. The list of medical concerns was long and scary. Our facilitators told us we didn't have to make a decision today, to take our time. Our translator asked us if we could really help her - not in a rude way, but I think in honest curiosity, because her needs were a lot. A lot. I was nervous & I'll admit that for a little bit I was scared. It was a Thursday and they had told us to visit each day & let us know on Monday. I thought that was a prudent plan. But my husband, he saw it differently. He thought waiting until Monday to file the commitment paperwork was crazy. He was ready before our visit even ended. It was a done deal.</div>
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You see, for about an hour, everyone left us alone and the nannies bundled up V and sent us outside because they said she likes it outside. When we got outside she calmed. Now don't get me wrong, she was still wild, but she was different. We were able to coax out some interaction and brief moments of eye contact. We were able to connect, even if very briefly. We were able to see that she CAN interact, she CAN connect. I remember that first moment of eye contact and it blew me away. Yet I was still scared - I still wondered if waiting to commit was a good choice. But not my husband - he was brave. He was bold. He was her daddy.</div>
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I don't want it to sound like I was on the fence. I was all in; but on that day, the fear and exhaustion took over. The reality of her needs was overwhelming. I learned something about my husband that day - there is no limit to what he will do for his family. He will march fearlessly forward despite the crazy odds. He told the facilitator to file the paperwork before the car had left the orphanage. He told me that she couldn't be more perfect if she ran up to him, jumped in his arms, and said "Daddy!" You guys, they told us they thought she couldn't hear well, couldn't see well, maybe had a heart condition, had seizures, was completely nonverbal, was cognitively an infant and wasn't learning, couldn't chew, couldn't feed herself or perform any self care, wasn't potty trained, had constant tics, and the list seemingly went on forever. She was bald, tiny, hyper, and hard to connect with.</div>
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My husband's description of her: She's perfect.</div>
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I have never loved that man more than I did that day.</div>
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As I sit here and write this I realize, that's how our Heavenly Father is to us. I could write a book about the things that are wrong with me, yet God says: you're perfect. You could probably make a long list of the things that are wrong with you - God says: you're perfect. I pray that you can see that, and I pray that I can see that, because sometimes I can't.</div>
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I also pray for the orphans left behind. I pray that there may be a day where they all have an earthly father who thinks they are perfect, but also that until that day, that they will all come to know their Heavenly Father, who loves them and sees perfection.</div>
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In case you are curious, many of the things about V were true. However, since coming home, she has defied all of our expectations. We have learned that there was a bright, spunky little girl locked inside with no way to communicate, and we love watching her blossom. She still has lots of challenges, but all of us, including her siblings agree - she's perfect. </div>
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-51747253458236326992017-08-04T07:11:00.003-07:002017-08-04T07:11:50.353-07:00The Summer Slump - ask me if I careAhhh... summer is ending.<br />
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I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year.<br />
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On one hand, I will miss my kiddos when they go back to school.<br />
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On the other hand... WILL THEY EVER GO BACK SO I CAN FINALLY GET THIS HOUSE CLEAN AND SIT DOWN FOR 30 SECONDS!?!?!?!<br />
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I have 2 kids with disabilities. They have nice, thick IEPs (because of course we want them to have lots of goals so they make lots of progress, right?) The staff has probably spent too much of their own summer preparing for my complicated children. During the school year I will spend entirely too much of my time working with the school on these things. In short - a whole team of us dedicates a whole lot of time and energy into making sure these kids are learning, are happy, and are integrated into the school as best we know how. I'm eternally grateful for this opportunity.<br />
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Sometimes in this laser focus, we get one thing wrong. And it's THE ONE THING that is most important. I have kids with disabilities, not disabilities with kids. They are kids first. Really, they are just kids. Who happen to have some differences and support needs.<br />
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They are still just kids.<br />
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So, the other day I ran into one of the girls' paraprofessional from school (AMAZING woman, for the record - answer to my prayer!), and she asked how my sassy one was doing. Has she learned any more signs over the summer? (Because language is at the root of all of our goals. You know, those goals that was my obsession ALL. YEAR. LONG.)<br />
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As I answered, I became a little panicked. NO. SHE HASN'T! OH MY GOODNESS, SHE HASN'T GAINED MORE THAN A COUPLE OF WORDS. I HAVE WASTED AN ENTIRE SUMMER!<br />
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I felt defeated. I suddenly began to look back on the goals that I had set for both of the girls for the summer - we weren't very far on any of them. I AM OBVIOUSLY THE WORST MOM IN HISTORY!<br />
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Then I took a deep breath, focused, and remembered this one fact. My daughters are kids first.<br />
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Do I spend all summer working on carefully scripted goals for my neurotypical kids? NO.<br />
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Is everyone else and their "normal" kids working on goals all summer? NO<br />
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What are their non-disabled peers doing all summer? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.<br />
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What did my children (who happen to have disabilities somewhere down on the list of their personal attributes) spend their summer doing? Swimming, playing outside, vegging out in front of the TV, visiting grandparents, going on vacation.<br />
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NAILED IT. We rocked this summer!<br />
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Was it a waste? No. What did we learn? That family is more important than school. (This is super important for Ms. Sassy, who is still learning what family means) That we can go on vacation, change our routine, and then come back and resume routine and nobody will die. (Those of you with routine-driven kids will get it. lol) How language is used in a family, how to count out silverware for the family, how to help with household tasks, how to sing every song from Moana. The girls learned what it feels like to bury their legs in the sand, how to walk up and down the pool ladder, how to ask Daddy to throw them in the air one. more. time. They created memories with their brothers, they met new friends. Ms. Sassy started coming up to me & her daddy and just sit on our laps. She learned to just be, and to snuggle, and to seek out our love. No words needed.<br />
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These things are important.<br />
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These things are the stuff life is made of.<br />
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This is such a natural concept with our kids who don't have disabilities - why is it so hard to let go of the goals for my kids with disabilities?<br />
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This summer I let go. I let my kids with disabilities just be kids. I forgot about the disability completely. I laid my goals down.<br />
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This school year I will walk in and the professionals will ask how it went. They will be ready for the new list of words the girls have learned and the new list of skills they have gained so the awesome progress can be integrated into the school day. This year I will resist the urge to stress out about minimal progress over the summer. I will ignore the pit in my stomach as I brace myself for the judgement of professionals as I say we had no measurable progress. This year I will be proud of our lack of progress. (Side note: I'm not calling anyone out here, the professionals probably don't worry about it half as much as I do - but this judgement is often perceived by us parents)<br />
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This summer I did something bold and brazen - I gave my kids permission to JUST BE KIDS.<br />
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I didn't measure or quantify anything. I hung out with my kids. I can't measure their progress this summer. Yes, they made progress. They learned skills. EVERY child learns skills just by being part of family life - chores, vacations, conversations. They are learning all day, every day. That is just what kids do. We don't make lists for our "typical" kids, so we don't have to constantly make lists for our kids with disabilities. ("typical put in quotes because I'm not even sure what "typical" is)<br />
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So today, friends, let's band together and do this one radical thing: Let's let our kids with disabilities actually, truly be kids first. Let's let ourselves just be parents first. At least for a little while.<br />
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And that is exactly why I don't care about the summer slump.<br />
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To the staff at the school: sorry/not sorry.<br />
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To my kids: This summer rocked! Let's do it again next year.<br />
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-23612484021979551032017-08-01T07:12:00.001-07:002017-08-01T07:12:34.830-07:00The Strong MomIn this whole "parenting a child with a disability" world, I am a strong mom.<br />
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I am the mom who boldly declares that my child is "fearfully and wonderfully made", even after cleaning poop off the walls for the 5th time that week. I'm the mom that gives staring strangers a smile or eye roll and moves on without them phasing me. I'm the mom that professionals forget to sugar coat things with. I'm the mom that doesn't need much support, I'm fine.<br />
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So yesterday I was out with my Bug, who by all accounts is mostly an average 18 month old - except she's in a 7 year old's body and has some other fun complications.<br />
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So, we're in the big, fancy city 4 1/2 hours from our piece of paradise 15 miles from nowhere. She's tired, out of her comfort zone, just finished a doctor visit (which she hates), and I'm currently dragging her through as many errands as possible. Gotta get everything done while we're in the city! She's not happy with this plan. And she's not very verbal, so we're not sitting down for tea and telling me she's unhappy - she's screeching randomly and refusing to walk, except for occasionally taking off to go stare awkwardly at old men, who are largely missing the fact that they are supposed to smile and blow kisses like Papa does. ;-)<br />
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After an hour or so of this, I'm exhausted and my back hurts. I'm also emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I forget the emotional load of this life. I'd been working to get into this appointment for almost a year, I had a huge list of questions, and I wasn't sure if I would even be taken seriously. And then I was taken seriously and scheduled for follow up, and then I found myself wishing that there was no reason for follow up. Because, you know, follow up is because of medical concerns. And nobody actually WANTS medical concerns.<br />
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And then there's the whole emotional exhaustion of trying desperately to figure out what she wants. She's screeching, I know she's not happy, I can see she wants or needs something - but she can't tell me what. So I'm trying to coax words out and prevent a total meltdown, but I know the words won't come while she's frustrated. Some days raising a non-verbal child is just exhausting. It is.<br />
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We get to Target; and after a fun meltdown she's in the basket and we're looking at clothes for her in relative calm. A woman comes up to me and stops me. She looked me in the eyes and tells me "I just want to tell you that you're doing a good job. You are doing a good job."<br />
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I was mostly speechless, but she told me she saw I was having a hard time, she's a fellow special needs mom, and she understands. And then she handed me a Starbucks gift card and told me she wanted me to take a break. And she left.<br />
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And that's the story of how I cried like a baby in the little girl's clothing section of Target. Because, you know, sometimes I'm not the strong mom. Sometimes I'm the exhausted, frazzled, mom who is completely overwhelmed by this hard life I've been given. I'm so thankful that the strong mom took time to lift me up.<br />
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That 5 minute exchange and gift card was one of the most powerful things to happen to me in a long time.<br />
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Go lift someone up today. Life is hard, and we're in this together.<br />
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For the record, when we were leaving town I gave Bug her favorite drink so she'd be happy for awhile, ran through the Starbucks drive through, cranked up my favorite radio station, and drank the best darn Starbucks I've ever had. And I found rest, even in the middle of the long drive home.<br />
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Thank you strong mom for lifting me up yesterday. You are a world changer.<br />
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-24897996362799855962017-01-18T12:17:00.002-08:002017-01-18T12:17:13.551-08:00One year free.Wow. Today marks one year since V left the gates of the orphanage forever. On one hand, it's hard to believe it's been one year. On the other hand, it's hard to imagine that she's only been in our home for a year - she is so firmly interwoven into the fabric of our lives, we can't believe we ever lived without her.<br />
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This has been hands down one of the hardest years of my life. It has also been one of the most beautiful. If you're thinking - "She can't complain about it being hard, she CHOSE this life", you can just stop that train of thought right there. You're right. I chose this. It doesn't make it less hard. I'm not a saint, I don't have endless energy, and I don't have all of the answers. I'm just an ordinary, flawed mom who dared say yes to God, no matter what it cost. That doesn't make me any less exhausted, but it does make me enjoy the beauty along the way.<br />
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One year ago today I left the orphanage with a scared toddler-like little girl. We didn't really know what we were getting into. We thought she might have some hearing loss and some vision loss, and we knew there was a chance that cognitively she may never advance past this toddler-ish stage, but we boldly claimed hat we could change her life, and we brought her home on faith. Along the way we learned that she's deaf, and since they didn't sign she had no access to language communication while in the orphanage; and that she's legally blind without her glasses, so she also wasn't seeing a whole lot either. There were a few more surprises, but those are enough to complicate her life significantly!<br />
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Today I put a beautiful, vibrant little girl on the school bus. She ate breakfast independently, helped dress herself, went potty (she's potty trained now! Woot!), insisted that I send her chocolate milk instead of plain milk, and climbed into the bus. One year home the little girl that orphanage staff said wasn't learning is using ASL, is potty trained, feeds herself, helps set the table and clean up her toys, and a million other little things that are amazing. In the last year we have had what seems like a million doctor appointments - many of them 300 miles away. We have had orphanage behaviors, meltdowns, tantrums, surgeries, lost tons of sleep, and a million other stressful things. We have exhausted ourselves continuously - emotionally, financially, and physically. It has been HARD. But for every hard moment, we have seen a miracle - financial miracles, miracles in her life, beautiful transformation in the hearts of others around us. We took in a child who was very difficult - everyone who met her prior to adoption pretty much thought we were crazy. And she has melded into our family seamlessly, and BLOSSOMED.<br />
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At the end of this tough year I will say this: We knew what we were signing up for. We knew this would be hard. We knew we would see big changes in her, but we've been blown away by this little girl and all that she has accomplished. We've been blown away the people who have risen up to help us, and by our family's unconditional acceptance of the craziness we chose to bring into their lives. We learned that spiritual warfare is real. (I used to think it was some hokey crap all of the "crazy church people" believed in, but now I know I probably just wasn't doing anything bold enough for Satan to be too terribly worried about me. Now I know what it's like when he tries a full-court press, and that's how I know this girl is destined for greatness - Satan's desire to keep her locked away!) We've also been blown away by how hard it is to exhaust yourself over and over, how many miles we've driven in search of answers, how incredibly complicated it is to educate a deaf and visually impaired child, how many people told us it will be impossible to educate her in our rural area, how many rabbit trails we've had to chase to find answers, and how expensive it is to chase these leads and drive across the state a million times.<br />
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At the end of this year, my reflection is this:<br />
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Freedom has never been free. I am happy to have paid the cost for her freedom.<br />
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Redemption has never been easy. I am happy to have carried the weight of the struggle for her redemption. Christ died for our redemption - I have done nothing for her in comparison to what Christ has done for me.<br />
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She is worth it. She is worthy. Loved. Cherished. Every child on this planet deserves to be cherished, no matter what the cost is.<br />
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To those who donated or helped with fundraisers to help us bring her home; helped with meals, clothes, or the million other things it takes to make a family work; have invested in our lives in the last year; and have loved and prayed for us - thank you. You made this happen. We couldn't have done this alone. Every single part matters. You are part of a redemption story that is just beginning.<br />
<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-85969141164925176822016-07-19T11:19:00.000-07:002016-07-19T11:19:43.559-07:00Worn.It has been a long time since I've blogged. Our sweet princess V has been home just about 6 months now, and things are going incredibly well. She is blossoming, we all adore her, and life is good. I'll update more on her later.<br />
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Despite how incredibly well everything has gone, this has been one of the most exhausting times in our life. There are many factors, but it boils down to the fact that even incredibly amazing change is still stressful.<br />
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About the 5 month mark I became exhausted. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I made several trips with V within a short time period, and had to leave the other kids at home. Another big part was the sheer weight of all of the medical and educational decisions that we've made in the last 6 months. I was done. I needed rest. I was worn.<br />
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On the way home from the most recent trip, the song Worn came on. I thought - "Oh man, I need this song! I'm so worn!" I love this song. I've felt so worn many times, and it has always ministered to me.<br />
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I turned it up and sang along. "I'm tired, I'm worn... I know that you can give me rest...."<br />
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And then the chorus came on.<br />
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"Let me see redemption win,<br />
let me know the struggle ends,<br />
that you can mend a heart that's frail and worn.<br />
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life"<br />
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And that's when I saw it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked back into the back seat, and saw her sitting there with a drink and bag of M&Ms, like a normal little girl. A child who couldn't feed herself 6 months ago sitting in the back seat of the car feeding herself the snack that she picked out by herself at the store.<br />
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I saw living, breathing proof that redemption wins. A heart learning to mend. Her smile is a testament to the song rising from a once broken life.<br />
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If you're in the trenches right now, if life has you bogged down, if there seems to be no end in sight, let me tell you this: redemption wins. Love wins. God wins.<br />
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I often think about how perfectly V fits into our family and how impossible it would've been for us to have found her. Only God could've led us to a specific little girl in an orphanage in a little village in a country we knew very little about. Only God could've chosen a child who fits so wonderfully into our family. Only God can bring the level of healing and learning that we've seen in V in the last 6 months. Only God could redeem her life in an institution and make it new, and He did. She may not have everything in the world, but she is free, she is loved deeply, and she has a bright future.<br />
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We serve a God of redemption.<br />
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In a world filled with darkness, redemption still wins.<br />
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If you every doubt it, remember V. She shows us what redemption looks like every day.<br />
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Thank you God for redeeming us all.<br />
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-78901931633458806652015-11-21T09:48:00.001-08:002015-11-21T10:05:36.351-08:00How far we've come<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Last night, I was sitting on the couch, and my precious L, my princess, walked across the room to where I was sitting and crawled up into my lap. It led me to start reflecting on just how far we've come in the last 5 years. While we have made a purposeful decision to seek out a child with special needs for this adoption, our initial plunge into special needs parenting was quite accidental. We have all come a long way since then.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Our princess L is 5 1/2 now. Initially there were no signs that she might have special needs - no risk factors, no alarming tests, just the realization at about 6 months old that she wasn't developing properly. Up until that point in my life, I was very focused on worldly success and achievements - on DOING. I thought you made your impact on this world by what you did.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Princess L didn't do much for a long time. She was over a year old when she sat up for the first time, close to 3 when she began walking. It was a long road. She wasn't very responsive to us for a very long time - she didn't care when we left her in the church nursery, she didn't reach for us when we went to pick her up - she was in her own world. She has gradually come into our world, but it has been a long process. Sometime in the last year, she has started seeking out affection. We waited so long for it, her affection is the greatest treasure in the world. So last night, as I sat there with her, soaking it up, I reflected on how far we've come. She has made so many incredible strides, but it's not really her that I was thinking about - it's me. This little 5 year old princess has turned my view of life on it's head. Last night, doing something completely ordinary to the average person, I had a profound thought: I used to think that the way to impact the world around you is by DOING, but the reality is, it's about who you ARE.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Think on that for a minute.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You don't change the world by DOING, you change it by BEING.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Sure, we need to DO good, but the doing comes from who we ARE, not the other way around. We can free ourselves from the American way of constantly needing to GO and DO and DO SOME MORE if we can really grasp this thought. We can rest in the fact that we are enough - without the perfect house, car, manicure, career... we are still enough. We can just BE, and let the love flow out from there. Our DOING needs to be a reflection of our BEING. It really lifts a weight off my shoulders to know that it's okay that I'll never be able to do it all, and I can still impact the world around me. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes it may not seem as big as you want it to be, but remember, it's not always about how much you DO. Sometimes it's about who you ARE in your every day life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The value of a life isn't measured by IQ or ability. It isn't measured by achievements or worldly standards. God has a purpose for every life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am so thankful to have such a precious princess that radiates love and goodness, and is such an incredible teacher. She doesn't even need words.</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-15310349420530440122015-11-15T17:39:00.001-08:002015-11-15T17:39:52.311-08:00Ways to support our adoption (LOTS of them are FREE)<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ways to support our adoption:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">FREE ways to help:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Give us your stinky old shoes! </b>- We are collecting shoes to be reused in developing nations through an entrepreneurship program. Our goal is 10,000 pairs, so it is a God-sized goal and we need your help! This program has BIG potential to pay it forward: our adoption grant receives 40 cents per pound for the shoes, an entrepreneur is set up to sell them and earn a living wage, and low cost shoes are available to people in need. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even better: talk to your work or church and set up a box! If you'll watch it and let us know when it's full, we'll come collect them! We have a HUGE goal to meet, and we need your network too!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Help us check the current drop offs and bring us shoes when they overflow. Since we do not live in town, this is an especially big help!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Current drop offs are: Lumbermart and Stage in Guymon, the Methodist Student Center and Church of Christ Student Center in Goodwell, Mills in Hooker, and the Post Office in Adams. Shoes can be any size or style, and need to be in fair condition. And if you really want to be on our good list, tie the laces of the pairs together or bag them with all of your pairs together (plastic grocery bags are awesome - it doesn't take long to pair the few shoes in a bag) </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Make a craft or donate an item for our upcoming online auction.</b> Do you have an unopened gift from last Christmas, or an unused gift certificate sitting around? Pass it on to us and we'll add it to our auction! If you donate something from your business, we'll make sure to plug your business in the auction. We are open to just about anything - great used clothes, handmade items, items from your business (Avon, DoTerra, Mary Kay, etc), books, gift cards, home decor - whatever you have that will sell! But please hurry - we hope to start the auction right after Thanksgiving! .</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Share our posts!</b> Share, share, share! We cannot successfully raise the funds to bring Antoinette home without reaching outside our immediate circle of friends! Share our <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/nw7czvxc" target="_blank">GoFundMe</a>, <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden" target="_blank">Reece's Rainbow</a>, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Our-Princess-Awaits-632309226847023/" target="_blank">Facebook</a> pages. Share our story with friends at church or work and direct them to one of our pages. Tell them how to help, or at least how to pray for us! You never know who will be able to help, or who will be touched by the plight of orphans. A HUGE part of our mission is to touch others so that they might be led to step up for orphans here and abroad, whether by giving, adopting, fostering, or supporting adoptive families in other ways. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>PRAY: </b>This is seriously the most important! We NEED prayer! This journey is crazy, exhausting, joyful, and costs WAY more money than we have. We NEED God to do mighty things in our lives in order to make this adoption happen. And that is just the very beginning of this journey! When we get her home, we will be navigating attachment and bonding, medical issues, institutional behaviors, educational challenges, emotional challenges, etc. That is just for Antoinette! The rest of the family will be adjusting too! We will be in over our heads for a long time, and we need prayer. I am so excited to see how God will work in our lives during this time.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Provide post-adoption support. </b>Here is the secret that you don't know unless you are an adoptive parent (particularly of an older &/or traumatized child): Adoptive parenting is HARD. It will take you to the ends of yourself. It really is just hard. And it doesn't get better anytime soon. The behaviors and responses that have been ingrained for years don't just go away. The trauma that the child has endured is carved into their heart and requires lots of intervention to heal. (The science behind the way trauma changes the brain will blow your mind!) Any family who adopts or fosters a traumatized child desperately needs support. And not for a month or two! For YEARS! Ways to provide support: (These apply to almost ALL adoptive and foster parents!)</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bring a meal post-adoption (the first few months will be chaotic!), or while we are traveling and have caregivers in our place.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Help with childcare for our kids currently in the home both during our travel and after the adoption. Even taking them to a movie for the afternoon so they have a break from the chaos that a new sibling inevitably brings!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tutor one of the oldest 3 in a subject in school.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love on the kids, especially the ones currently in our home. They will be experiencing chaos and upheaval. Give them some extra attention.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do NOT love on Antoinette unless we give you permission. Don't get me wrong: I am DYING for this little girl to be LOVED ON by ALL of the people who are supporting this adoption. I want her to see and feel that love! But for bonding purposes, her cuddling, hugs, and care needs to be handled by immediate family only. Right now she has no idea what a mommy, daddy, brothers, and sister are. Once that is firmly in her head, THEN, please LOVE ON THAT GIRL! We will let you know when it is safe for her emotionally to be loved on by people outside of immediate family!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Run an errand for us.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Come over for an afternoon, a couple of hours, a day, (whatever works for you) and be a "mother's helper." For the first few months, Antoinette will need to be by my side at all times, which means it will be more difficult to do laundry, cook, clean, teach the big boys, etc. Come over and lend a hand - even if it's just playing with the little ones so I can get something done! (As a bonus, this option allows you to hang out with the CUTEST kids ever!) Warning: DO NOT choose this option if you will judge me by how dirty my house is! Hahahaha</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have little girl clothes and toys? If they will work for Antoinette, send them over! When the adoption is completed, we will have exhausted our savings and be facing a mountain of medical bills at the exact time that we add a new child who will need diapers, a wardrobe, toys, etc. (Most of this we can't prepare in advance because we don't know what size she is!) Maybe your kiddo's old stuff can ease our burden! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An adoption shower would be a CRAZY blessing! EVERY family that adopts should have an adoption shower thrown for them! Older kids are even more expensive than babies and deserve to be celebrated too! (I'm not saying this to ask for stuff, I'm listing it because I want to see other adoptive parents get one!!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once she is well-bonded, babysit Antoinette for us. Dealing with difficult behaviors 24/7 is hard. Respite is amazing. And needed.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ask what we need. And mean it. And do it. In our case, we hate asking for help, so we'll probably tell you that we don't need anything. We will appreciate the gesture though! And then you can refer to the list above and just do something (because we probably really will need it!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are going to be in her life consistently (family, friends, Sunday School teacher, teacher in school) research the impacts of trauma on a child's brain so you can understand what we are up against! Dr. Karen Purvis is doing incredible work healing children from trauma, and we will be following her techniques. Look into TBRI! (Or ask us! We'll tell you about it!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't forget that respite, love, and help is needed for a long time - this is not like having a baby, where you heal and get back to normal after 6 weeks. It will take YEARS to heal Antoinette's heart. We will be in the trenches for YEARS. Don't forget about us in a few weeks. Join the team. Help us change her life.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ways to financially help:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Give a little bit! SERIOUSLY, $5 or $10 HELPS! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Want to make a bigger impact but feel like you can't? Give $5 a couple of times over the course of the adoption. Or issue a challenge to your Facebook friends: you'll give $5 if someone else will match you. Or hey, be crazy... you'll paint your face, shave your head, grow your beard (or something equally crazy) if they will collectively donate a certain amount of money.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are blessed and able to give more, consider making it a matching grant. Many people LOVE to give to matching grants because their money is doubled. Son not only will you be helping by giving, but you'll be doubling your impact! Any amount can be a matching grant, but amounts over $100 are best.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The scoop on financial giving:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Reece's Rainbow</u></b> is an organization that helps families raise money for special needs international adoption. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are a 501c3 non-profit, so any money sent via them is tax-deductible to you.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They do NOT keep a percentage of the donation.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PayPal DOES take 3% of all donations done online, so consider sending a check (write our name in the memo or include a note). However, if the convenience of paying online is an incentive, by all means, pay online! (Personally, it would be a hassle for me to dig out the checkbook and mail a check. So I understand!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They ONLY disperse the money to us for adoption related expenses, and will not disperse anything until we receive travel dates.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The travel agent that we will be working with can bill them directly for our airfare, so it is our goal to get enough in this account to cover our airfare.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Donate or share the page at: <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden">www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden</a> </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>GoFundMe</u></b> is a well known giving platform. We created it because a lot of people are comfortable with ig.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GoFundMe keeps 5% of the donations and PayPal keeps 3%. So that's a chunk. But if you're more comfortable with GoFundMe, go for it!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have access to the money from GoFundMe almost immediately, so it can be used for expenses prior to travel.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can donate or share the page at: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #f868a3; font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16px;"><a href="https://www.gofundme.com/nw7czvxc">https://www.gofundme.com/nw7czvxc</a> </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Money given directly to us</u></b> is placed in a separate bank account that we only use for adoption expenses. If you give me a check and it's not made out to me, I'll send it to Reece's Rainbow to go into our grant account so that it is tax-deductible for you. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We only have one more fee to pay prior to travel, and that will be taken care of from our personal savings this week.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have paid (or having in savings ready to pay) almost 1/2 of the adoption ourselves (which is a testament to God moving mountains!) We are fundraising to finish it up: the bulk of the adoption expenses will be incurred when we travel for the 1st trip.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Money is due as we go. If we have not raised enough money for both trips, we can fundraise between trips, but we REALLY don't want to have to do this! We'll have a lot to focus on and prepare without fundraising!</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The 2 burning questions (I think) most people want/need to know: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Why did we wait so late in the process to fundraise heavily?</i></b> Quite frankly, we have hit every roadblock or delay possible. This adoption has taken twice as long as it should and there were a couple of times in the process we weren't sure if we could complete it. So we chose to wait to fundraise until it was a sure thing. We wanted to be very careful to honor the financial contributions of our supporters. Fortunately, God has done great things in enabling us to pay for almost half of the adoption from personal funds, so we haven't needed to fundraise until the end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>What happens if we can't raise the funds?</i></b> We will NOT wait to travel. We will take out a loan. But this is a VERY BAD financial option for us. When Antoinette comes home, we will immediately incur thousands of dollars in medical bills. AND, each of those bills will come with the expense of driving almost 300 miles each way to the multiple specialist visits. Don't get me wrong, we are 100% okay with these medical expenses - we signed up for this when we committed to the adoption. But if we come home with a substantial adoption loan and add thousands of dollars in medical bills to that, the outcome will be devastating. We know that bringing home a child who will need life-long care is not a good financial decision, but her life is worth the sacrifice. We will provide for her. But we need help getting her home, so we are more capable of making these sacrifices for her and getting her the best medical care possible. </span><br />
<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-51547454280461332512015-11-13T07:08:00.000-08:002015-11-13T07:08:32.200-08:00Big news!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been awhile since I've updated the blog. If you want up to the minute updates, check us out on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Our-Princess-Awaits-632309226847023/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday was a very exciting day! We were notified yesterday morning that our dossier was submitted!!! WOOHOO! The rest of our documents had just made it into the hands of the facilitation team on Wednesday afternoon (their time), so we were pretty surprised that it was submitted so quickly! In fact, there was one document that we thought we might need to tweak and re-do, but it was great! Of course, 95% of the dossier had been there for at least a couple of weeks (this was the 3rd batch to send over) so they had everything ready to go.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next step is receiving travel dates! That will be very exciting! We can expect to receive dates in 3-4 weeks, although sometimes it takes more or less time. The family that was submitted before us received their dates fast, so we may not have a whole lot of time left! This is SUPER EXCITING except for the fact that we are still $14,000 short. This is pretty scary. We have several fundraisers in the works - one of them fell through, so we need big prayers for us as we try to raise this money in a short amount of time!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Why did we wait so late in the process to fundraise heavily?</i></b> Quite frankly, we have hit every roadblock or delay possible. This adoption has taken twice as long as it should and there were a couple of times in the process we weren't sure if we could complete it. So we chose to wait to fundraise until it was a sure thing. We wanted to be very careful to honor the financial contributions of our supporters. Fortunately, God has done great things in enabling us to pay for almost half of the adoption from personal funds, so we haven't needed to fundraise until the end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What happens if we can't raise the funds?</i></b> We will NOT wait to travel. We will take out a loan. But this is a VERY BAD financial option for us. When Antoinette comes home, we will immediately incur thousands of dollars in medical bills. AND, each of those bills will come with the expense of driving almost 300 miles each way to the multiple specialist visits. Don't get me wrong, we are 100% okay with these medical expenses - we signed up for this when we committed to the adoption. But if we come home with a substantial adoption loan and add thousands of dollars in medical bills to that, the outcome will be devastating. We know that bringing home a child who will need life-long care is not a good financial decision, but her life is worth the sacrifice. We will provide for her. But we need help getting her home, so we are more capable of making these sacrifices for her and getting her the best medical care possible. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please prayerfully consider contributing to help us get her home. You may do so via <a href="http://gofund.me/nw7czvxc" target="_blank">GoFundMe</a> or <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden" target="_blank">Reece's Rainbow</a> (tax-deductible for you!)</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-28004723448079862122015-11-04T07:41:00.001-08:002015-11-04T07:41:43.963-08:00A piece of my heart... a new fundraiser<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adoption is a long, grueling, expensive journey. Many people have walked this journey with us, even if just from afar. Many times I have been to the point of questioning whether or not we can really make this happen. And every time, I have been encouraged from someone. God is working through YOU, each and every one of our supporters.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are down to the end. All of the approvals are in place, it's just minor paperwork from here on out. We still need our approval from her government and to pass court, of course, but I have faith in our facilitation team, who has painstakingly combed through our documents to make sure everything will go smooth with the government and judge. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm excited about this new fundraiser. It is designed to honor YOU, the tribe that is helping us get our little girl home. The people who are helping us save her life. YOU. Yes, YOU are part of saving her life - you really and truly are. We are just part of this adoption, we are not all of it. Without your words of encouragement, prayers, giving, and help with fundraisers, there would be no adoption. We just can't do it on our own. We need God and we need support. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here is how we want to honor you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We will be putting this design on the wall over Antoinette's bed in vinyl. It is over 2 feet tall, so it will be the focal point of the room. For a $10 donation to our Reece's Rainbow grant fund (preferred) <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden">www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden</a> or our GoFundMe account <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/nw7czvxc" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;" target="_blank">https://www.gofundme.com/nw7czvxc</a>, we will put your name or message on one of the hearts. (Just message me after you donate with what you want on it) I hope to see this full, as a daily reminder of all of those people who love Antoinette. We want to see names of prayer warriors, donors, advocates, and friends. I hope to see it full - each heart a reminder of a heart that Antoinette's story has touched. And through the power of the group, if we fill the tree, we will be MUCH closer to fully funded!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are nearing the end and still $14,000 short. That is a LOT of money. I won't lie, I'm panicking a little, even though I know that God is in control. It's scary. We have stepped out of the boat and are on the water, now we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and trust Him to get us to the other side. $14,000 is a lot of money, but to Him who owns all the cattle on a thousand hills, it is pocket change. Please join us. Please be part of this - great things are going to happen through this adoption, I can feel it.</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-58429315064632091482015-10-30T11:38:00.002-07:002015-10-30T11:38:26.674-07:00Approval (again)<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SO, Monday it OFFICIALLY came. We received our USCIS approval! This is the last approval needed on this side of the ocean. I knew it was coming last week - I had called USCIS, and they confirmed that it was on it's way. Here's the funny thing though - there was part of me that was still a little bit surprised.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To me, the word "approval" is a scary word. Every step of the way I have been extremely stressed when we face another approval. You see, I have this picture of adoptive parents as completely perfect parents. They have to be perfect to pass all of those inspections and stuff, right? And part of this picture of perfection is the perfect looking mom wearing the cardigan and heels while effortlessly maintaining an immaculate house while her rich husband golfs. Yeah, I definitely don't fit that picture.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here I sit, midway through our second adoption, having received another approval, wondering when the heck I became perfect enough that someone would actually approve me to raise a beautiful, priceless treasure. Maybe I seem a little crazy for thinking that. On the other hand, maybe other parents in the process or considering adoption worry about this and I can voice their fears. I hope that sharing this little bit of myself will ease the stress for someone else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a broken person. Each day God lovingly glues a little piece back together, but I will always remain broken. Really, all of us are broken. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt loss or pain in their lives. And who is better to raise a broken, scared child than a broken person who has been put back together? Who better to sit down with them in their pain than someone who has lived through pain? You and I, the broken people who God has glued back together, we have power: the power to show that brokenness is beautiful, that the masterpiece created when the pieces are glued back together is amazing, and that redemption is available to us all - especially the broken.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today I will proudly say: I will never fit in, my house will never be a showplace, my kids will never show up to church in matching outfits. I will never have it all together. I will spend my days devoting my energy, talent, and drive to my children. Many people would think that isn't enough, that I am wasting my abilities by not having a career. In reality, most days I feel unworthy of this tremendous calling that I have to raise this family. Many people would judge me because since I'm a SAHM I should have a perfect house and perfectly dressed children. But I do not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never be the perfect mom that I feel I should be to survive the adoption process unscathed. But here I sit, having once again had my background, parenting skills, finances, medical history, and every other aspect of my life combed through, and I still heard the beautiful word "approved." Because these children, these beautiful treasures, they need REAL parents, not perfect parents. They need parents willing to walk with them through their pain, to tell them it's ok to be different, to buck the system, to move heaven and earth just to get them home. Sure, matching outfits every Sunday and an immaculate house would be nice. But what these kids REALLY need is fierce, tenacious parents who are willing to lay down their standards, lay down their pride, and sacrifice financial gain in order to love these children. They need parents who will devote themselves to healing their broken hearts. It is often hard, expensive, thankless work. At the same time it is incredible, joyful, rewarding work. These are God's children, and healing their hearts is God's work. And there is nothing more important than that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The best part is this: We can ALL be part of it! When you adopt, foster, provide respite, financially support an adoption, or provide support for a foster or adoptive family, you are PART of God's work in these children's lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you would like to financially contribute to bringing our princess home, you may make a tax-deductible donation at: <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden">www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or you may contribute to our GoFundMe account at: <a href="http://link.email.dynect.net/link.php?H=%2BsiIS2DoQPdPYMNMZebGnOkCM0Tn10jgS0VYf2bYDhvn9A61Mh1gUfMw1gvZFiN7l6dp5S2UAGppg6M5uAMx7vcRG9EKMZ900LJXgnDQLCE%3D&G=21&R=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gofundme.com%2Fnw7czvxc&I=20151028144305.000001b9a38e%40mail6-04-pao.dyndns.com&X=MHw3NzY2NjI6VEVNUElEXzQyOzF8Nzc2NjYzOlFVRVVFSURfMzE1NzQ3MDQ3OzJ8Nzc2NjY0OkRPTUFJTl9nbWFpbC5jb207" style="background-color: white; color: #6b8d1f; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;" target="_blank" title="Visit Donation Page">https://www.gofundme.com/<wbr></wbr>nw7czvxc</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every little bit helps and we are so thankful for it all!</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-35998303761390288302015-10-20T15:32:00.001-07:002015-10-20T15:32:08.378-07:00Special Needs Parenting Part 2: Broken Hearted<i>I'm continuing with the story of WHY we chose special needs adoption. If you haven't read it yet, check out part one <a href="http://15milesfromnowhere.blogspot.com/2015/09/special-needs-parenting-part-1-back.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</i><br />
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I started this series by telling you about when we learned that our princess L has special needs, and how it affected us. As time went on, we began to embrace our new life. Life went on, as it always seems to do; and our family continued to grow. One son joined our family through guardianship (we were later able to adopt him) and then we had another son. We moved to a rural area to be near my family, and our children thrived. Everyone was happy and healthy.<br />
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There are moments when life turns on a dime, and your entire life changes in an instant. I had one of these moments in the middle of an ordinary day. I was killing time on Facebook, like I do all too often. I ran across a blog post that a friend had shared, and I read it. The blog has been taken down since then, but I'll never forget it. This post gutted me. An adoptive mom talked about their process to adopt a little boy with Down Syndrome in Eastern Europe and the conditions that he lived in. She talked about how he was starving and neglected, how the judge wanted to block the adoption because of the belief that a child with DS wasn't worth adopting. She discussed the fact that in many countries children are sent to orphanages just because they are born with special needs. Entire societies believe that it's BETTER for a special needs child to grow up in an orphanage because they will never amount to anything. At the time she was adopting, the judge didn't even want to allow the adoption because he believed that the child with Down Syndrome wasn't worth it and she needed to adopt a "normal" child. It was like a punch in the gut. All I could see was my daughter - how would she be seen through their eyes? How would that judge, that society, that mindset see my precious daughter?<br />
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I shared with my husband, who was as shocked as me. We began to pray and research. My ongoing prayer was "Lord, what can we DO?" This is going on in many, many countries. The problem is more complicated than just "they don't want these kids". Poverty, poor access to medical care, and few support systems are all factors that play into this. We are blessed in America - our disabled children receive services through public early intervention programs and public schools. Almost every community has a support network for parents nearby, and many places have educational programs for parents. And if a parent is impoverished and has no access to medical care, their child can receive Medicaid, which will provide for that child's medical care - and America has top-notch medical care. And just as importantly, in America, it's normal to see people with disabilities in schools, restaurants, wherever you go. Society accepts parenting special needs children as the norm. But this is not the case in so many places.<br />
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Can you imagine being a young, scared birth mom, who just gave birth and learned that your child has special needs? Needs that you didn't expect and you don't know how to deal with? Can you imagine knowing that you can never access the medical care that your child needs? How hard would it be to choose to parent this child, when most people around you have never seen someone parent a special needs child, the schools are not equipped for the child, the doctors are telling you that the best place for your child is an orphanage.... I can't imagine. I pray that these factors can change and more families are able to parent their special needs child. To me, THAT is the answer to the orphan crisis. <br />
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In the meantime we are left with this: There is a staggering number of children in orphanages throughout the world with very little hope of adoption in their country and often abysmal living conditions. All over the world there are children who are emaciated and dying in institutions. Many times the orphanage staff tries, but their resources are limited and some of these children need so much. Other times the orphanage staff doesn't try - they abuse the children. And nobody cares, because they have no family. They have no voice. No matter what - no orphanage, not even a good one, can compare to being part of a family. These children, they live with no hope, no future, no mommy to tuck them in at night. These precious children are "the least of these." And God tells us over and over to care for the least of these.<br />
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These children - they are no different than my L. She was just born to a different family in a different place. This little girl, who is the light of my life, would be hopeless, abandoned, and alone if she were born in one of these places. That is so painful for me to accept.<br />
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Here's the thing: When you don't know, you can ignore it. But when you KNOW, you are responsible to act. For me, it haunts me. It physically pains me to know that these children are in such need. Every time I read a waiting child listing for a special needs child, I think of how my precious L would be listed. It would not be flattering, I can promise you that. It follows me throughout my day. I don't look at money the same way - I compare frivolous spending to the cost of an adoption. I look for ways to buy gifts from adoption fundraisers (sorry to everyone who didn't get what you actually wanted, but rest assured, you helped save a life!) I watch my daughter play or pick her up from school and wonder how it is that she has such freedoms while other kids are locked away, tied to a crib, for the crime of being born with special needs. I will never see the world the same way again.<br />
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What can we DO? The answer for us was clear: We are called to adopt. Not just any child, but an older child with a disability, who would most likely need life-long care. Basically, a child who is unlikely to be adopted. A child like our princess L. We weren't ready. We had our hands full, and the costs were almost insurmountable. God told us NOW. So, now we are going. Despite the odds, the difficulties, and the fact that this is just flat crazy, it's a God-ordained crazy, so we are going for it!<br />
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Everyone needs to ask "What can we DO?" but the answer is NOT always adoption. There are so many roles for people to help kids both here and abroad. Everyone can DO SOMETHING. I'll hit on some options in another post in order to keep this from turning into a novel. :-)<br />
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To end, I'll give you this:<br />
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Adoption listing description: (a guess based upon what I've seen on others)<br />
Girl, age 5. Severe mental delay, very poor speech development, hypotonia, chromosomal anomaly, does not feed herself well, is not potty trained, is not social with other children, does not respond to commands. Unlikely to ever live independently.<br />
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My description:<br />
Girl, age 5. Beloved daughter, granddaughter, sister, and niece. She's cognitively delayed, but she learns something new every day. She's mostly non-verbal but sometimes she surprises us. She communicates quite well without words, and ALWAYS manages to get what she wants. She's not always very social, but she gives the world's best cuddles to those of us who she loves. We feel so blessed when she chooses to cuddle us that we always stop what we are doing to soak it up. She doesn't always show it, but there is a bright mind hidden behind her delays - we love it when she shines. She entertains us every day with her beautiful humming, and she is quite musical. She breathes light and life into our home, and we are blessed to be her family.<br />
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-27434641464045016262015-10-19T18:34:00.000-07:002015-10-19T18:34:25.599-07:00Our cup runs over: A garage sale story<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, maybe a garage sale doesn't need it's own blog post, but in this case, I think it does. So, here's the story of how one small garage sale turned into a great big blessing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll just start with my dirty little secret: I did NOT want to do a garage sale. The last few garage sales I've tried have been a nightmare, and not at all worth the time and effort. However, my cousin suggested that we do a garage sale, and said that she would help, and I figured that I can't turn down good help, so we went for it. We planned it for her front yard (I live in the country so my house wouldn't work). Fast forward to the week of the garage sale: we had very few donations, she was scheduled to work for basically the entire sale, and my daughter and I both got sick that week. I was in tears the day we decided to postpone it. We've had a lot going on in our family lately, and I was sick, overwhelmed, and defeated. So, we postponed one week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's funny how God orchestrates these little miracles in the middle of moments of despair. It's amazing how He picks us up from our despair and shows His love when we need it most. The day we decided to postpone the garage sale, amazing things started to happen. It started with a Facebook message from a friend who is honestly someone I don't even know very well. God got ahold of her heart and she spread the word and donations poured in through her. Then they came in from our posts on Facebook sale sites, from friends of friends, from strangers, from church members. We soon realized that our planned spot wasn't big enough. So my mom started calling and found us the perfect location, and it was cheap! The donations continued, and when we got it all in on Thursday, we were astounded to see how much stuff we had! The building was full! We worked late Thursday night, but there was still a ton to do. Thursday night I was stressed, and prayed and prayed that we could get it all done. None of us could be there until after lunch on Friday and the sale started at 4. It was an impossible task! And then, out of the blue, another one of my cousins messaged asking if we needed help. And he showed up, and gave us two full days of work. By 2pm on Friday, people were coming. Not only were people coming, but donations were still coming. In fact, several people would come shop and then come back with donations! I was blown away! God opened the floodgates and it all came... the help we needed, the donations, the shoppers. I was blown away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every time I was awed by God, new things would come. I mean, we started off with some awesome stuff! A couch, recliners, entertainment center, coffee tables, a crib, toys, books, dishes, house stuff, tons and TONS of clothes. I couldn't believe the amount of stuff! And then, when I would get my mind around how amazing it was, I would be blown away again! A couple from church brought loads of stuff! Then a woman who I had never met, who spoke broken English, came back with her kids carrying ARMLOADS of stuff to donate "for the little girl". An old friend showed up with awesome stuff, someone I don't even know donated a Wii. A Wii!!! You guys, I know that maybe donating to a garage sale seems easy, but I KNOW that every single person that donated could have sold that stuff on their own. They could have kept the money. But they didn't - they gave and gave and gave. I saw SACRIFICIAL GIVING. To us, to our little girl who is a world away. Dozens of people in my community, many whom I had never met before, gave sacrificially. I still can't wrap my mind around that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, the donors were only half of the story, then came the shoppers. I could not believe the amount of stuff that we sold! I was completely amazed by the lack of haggling. I was blown away by the number of people who donated on top of their purchases. I was overwhelmed by the amount of sales and donations that we received. I was awed by the amount of love that was shown. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have experienced God's love many times in my life. However, I honestly can say I don't think I've ever been so overwhelmed by seeing it manifested so tangibly. I still cannot wrap my mind around the amount of stuff that was donated, the amount of stuff that was sold, and just the amount of love that was shown. I see the stories of evil all around us, but right here in my hometown, I saw pure goodness from so many people. I saw sacrificial giving to a family that they don't know, and a little girl that they may never meet. People just gave. They just loved. They didn't question. They helped raise over $1200 toward bringing our daughter home. They helped save a life - and it was amazing.</span><br />
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<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A special shout out to my 2 cousins & my aunt who gave TONS of hours, my other cousin who covered childcare so her sister could help, my parents for feeding us and watching my children, my brother for bringing loads of stuff over and doing some heavy lifting, for everyone who shared our story, and for every single donor and every single shopper. You absolutely amaze me.</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for joining us on our journey. If you would like to make a donation to help us bring our daughter home, you may make a tax-deductible donation at: <a href="http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden">www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsoroden</a> No amount is too small - when we all do a little bit, it adds up to a lot!</span>Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-51934567006740913522015-10-05T20:39:00.000-07:002015-10-06T14:36:59.002-07:00An open letter to my daughter's caregiversThe internet is a depressing place lately. It seems like every time I get online I see a new article or hear a story from another parent about their special needs child being abused at the hands of a caregiver. So this goes out to you, the caregivers: the bus drivers, teachers, classroom aides, Special Ed teachers, Special Ed paraprofessionals, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, Sunday School teachers, Children's ministers, babysitters, and anyone else who has access to my child, both past and present.<br />
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Thank you for loving my daughter. I see the way you interact with her, I hear the way you talk to her. I SEE the love, I KNOW you care. I don't need her to use words, I see the way she reacts to you, and I can tell how you treat her. I have always said that she is a good judge of character, and I can tell when she trusts someone. She trusts you, and that is a high compliment.</div>
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Thank you for taking the time to enter her world. You will never know how much my world lights up when you talk about her: her personality, her accomplishments, her stresses. When you do, I see how much you care about her. You see, she isn't an easy child to get to know. She would happily spend the day in her own world. But you have taken time to get to know her. You have made an effort to enter her world, you have made an effort to draw her into your world. I can see that you care.</div>
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Thank you for accepting her just the way she is. I love my daughter. She is my world. But make no mistake, she is not an easy child! She can't communicate, she throws temper tantrums, bites, pinches, is unpredictable, and melts down easily. And then there's the whole diapers issue - changing diapers on a 5 yr old is less than enjoyable. But here you are, faithfully showing up, altering the classroom, bus, etc. to make it work for her. You change her diapers, clean up her messes, handle her meltdowns, and then show up to do it again with a smile on your face and kindness in your heart.</div>
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Thank you for appreciating who she is. My little girl could easily be defined by her disability. Her file at school is filled with big, defining words like "profound developmental delay", "failed to meet goals", "Chromosome 15q duplication syndrome", and many others. Many people would let these words define her. But there's the bus driver who talks about her pretty dress, the aide that talks about her beautiful singing, the children's minister who always greets her with a smile, the therapist that pushes her to do more - I could go on and on with examples of how her caregivers dismiss the labels and define her as a cherished child.</div>
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Thank you for choosing this. I'm going to be honest for a minute - prior to my L being born, I'm not sure I would have chosen to parent a child with special needs. It would have seemed so hard. But here she is, and she is my world. I came into this position out of necessity. You came into the caregiver position out of choice. You chose to accept the hard road, and you walk down it with grace. I appreciate that.</div>
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Thank you for making my family feel accepted. The world likes conformity. I try to ignore it, but we often get stares and whispers. I'm sure we get plenty of judgement, and there are plenty of people who probably think negatively about my daughter. And then there's this beautiful web of people around us who just see her as a beautiful child. In your own way, you each make it easier for us to navigate this world. You help the world see special children through your eyes. You serve as an example to the other kids in your care. You help us feel at ease when we are so often on guard.</div>
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My daughter, and millions of special needs children like her, are so very vulnerable. She can't talk, her communication is limited. All over the world there are people who take advantage of that. I understand. I've felt the frustration of dealing with challenging behaviors all day long. I know it's hard. Thank you for staying the course, staying positive, and addressing challenging behavior head-on. Thank you for not letting frustration take over; and for showing up, day after day, and continuing to help her navigate this world. The world is sometimes a scary place for her, and you have helped her expand her horizons and explore the world. She can't get that from just mom & dad. She needs you too.</div>
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Please know that sometimes I am overbearing and overprotective. I am because I have to be - she needs me to protect her, and it's a big job because she is so vulnerable. I read the news, I know the statistics, and I live in fear of whether or not she will be victimized some day. I know the odds are not in her favor, and it's an overwhelming thought. Special needs parents carry a huge burden - we have to protect our children from the world, not just now, but we even have to figure out how to protect our children after we die. It is a consuming task. This momentous task breaks people, tears apart marriages, and destroys families. It is exhausting to be on guard all the time, to be constantly seeking answers to the challenges in her life. So thank you for caring about my child. Thank you for helping shoulder the burden of her care. It may very well be your positive words and affirming attitude that helps a parent while they struggle through the overwhelming task of parenting a special needs child. The ideas that you bring to the table may change our world. The couple of hours that she's in your care may be just what we need to carry on until we get a break again. Sure, having her during Sunday School or babysitting for an evening doesn't seem like a big deal, but sometimes that break is the only thing keeping us sane. There are days when hearing her teacher's positive words are the balm that our soul needs after a tough week of searching for answers. A bus driver's kindness eases the fear in our hearts after we've heard of another child being victimized. A speech therapist's positive goals can ease the fear of how we can protect her if she can never talk. She may never be able to speak the words to thank you for caring, but I will be her voice. Thank you. A million times over, thank you.</div>
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-89158824575599217762015-09-25T21:42:00.001-07:002015-09-28T20:13:06.803-07:00Special Needs Parenting Part 1: The back story<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I have sat down a million times to explain WHY we would specifically adopt a child with special needs & what special needs parenting means to me. But I just can't explain it without the back story. So here it is... the beginning of our journey in special needs parenting.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember vividly when I was pregnant with our baby girl and we were choosing names. My husband liked a lot of cutesy little girl names, and I kept saying that we need something strong. Something suitable for a strong, fierce woman who could someday be a doctor, lawyer, or President of the United States! She needed something that would look good on her PhD diploma. At the time I worked for a university, and one of my tasks was printing diplomas, and my argument was that you rarely see a "cutesy" name on a doctoral diploma. We settled on a "cutesy" name, with a long version. You know, for her PhD diploma some day. We settled on a name that to me, spoke of kindness, gentleness, but with strength. I made sure that her full name also spoke to the plans that I had for her life - to conquer the world. I could imagine only great things for her life - no limits, just success. But God had different plans.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">L was born, and she was perfect. Everything was wonderful, and easy, and she melded our family together just perfectly. In one moment, our family changed, and we loved every second of it. Our princess had arrived. When she was about 6 months old, we took her to the doctor because she wasn't developing the way she should. She had gotten sick and started to regress. She had withdrawn into herself and wasn't responding to our stimuli, and she was sleeping like a newborn. Thus began the most terrifying experience of our lives. She was hospitalized, and testing began. The story is quite long, but I'll give you the short version. She had an ear infection, and it had made her very sick. There were a lot of other factors too - low muscle tone, pressure in ears causing hearing problems, developmental delay, etc. Long story short, testing began, but we left the hospital with no real answers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The day we left the hospital we broke. We didn't know what was wrong with our baby, just that she was slipping into herself. We knew we could lose her. I remember vividly sitting on the bed, crying with my husband. That day I cried out to God - I would take ANYTHING that He gave us, as long as I did not lose my baby. Anything! As long as I didn't lose her. That moment was a turning point for me. My life shifted, my outlook changed, and my priorities were reset. It took a long time before we received the correct diagnosis for her, but over the next few months, we officially donned the title "special needs parents". Those months are a blur to me, because they were busy, scary, and overwhelming. We just put one foot in front of the other and continued on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There were times that I felt the grief over the death of the dreams that I once had for L. There are times when I still feel the grief. She will most likely never live independently. She will probably never drive a car, marry, have children, have a career. She will miss out on the things that I once used to define my life. It took awhile for me to learn that life is not truly defined by those things. I began to let go of my expectations for her life, and I found an amazing thing: I was able to let go of my expectations for other people as well. Suddenly, it didn't seem so important if one of my sons didn't make As on his report card - he was healthy, happy, and loved God. THAT is what really mattered. This began to spread to other people and I learned to understand people how they are, not how I want them to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then came the joy. It's funny, before we had L, I never knew that a little girl laughing for the 1st time could become one of the greatest moments of your life. I thought that big moments in life were things like weddings, graduations, and promotions. The truth is, big moments in life are first steps, first words, and first hugs. THOSE are the things that make a life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't want to make it all rainbows and sunshine. Special needs parents are under extreme pressure every day. My husband and I have been planning for what will happen when we die since she was 2. Our home is set up to meet her needs (cool coffee table = death trap)! Our financial pressures are enormous - not only for her medical care, but travel to specialists, special equipment for her, and just the cost of replacing everything that she damages. She is non-verbal, and not very adaptive to change, so there are very few people that we can leave her with, and going places as a family is tough. There are a million complications to our lives, and the pressure is tough. But God has given us peace and joy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God has spoken this truth to my heart - He is the creator of life! He knit her together, he knows the number of hairs on her head! And here is the biggie: If I believe those things, then I must believe that <i>He counted the chromosomes that he put in her body! </i>That extra chromosome is not a mistake, it is not an accident, it is part of God's plan for her. I don't know the reason that children are born differently. I don't know why there are unfair diseases in children that cause them pain and tear apart families. I wish that I did. All I know is this: God MADE my daughter. He did so with a purpose.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I used to dream that she would conquer the world. Now I see God's plans for her: <i>to change the world. </i> And she has already started. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Next time I'll share how parenting our sweet special needs princess led us down the path to special needs adoption.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be part of our story, help us save a life: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You may also make a tax-deductible donation at:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://reecesrainbow.org/76200/sponsoroden">http://reecesrainbow.org/76200/sponsoroden</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even $5 can help us rescue this child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-7507537128864320402015-09-15T06:54:00.000-07:002015-09-15T06:54:11.871-07:00Frustration. (a short update)I think in this case, adoption is like the longest, most annoying pregnancy ever! Haha<div>
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We are still waiting. It seems like everything is one step forward, two steps back. Our homestudy needed edits, so we have to re-send it to her country. There goes another $30 in apostilles. Our medical forms were done in April for the homestudy, but have to be less than 5 months old, so need to be done again... there goes another $300. Our USCIS fingerprint appointments are the farthest out date imaginable and our local office (which is 300 miles away, so not exactly local) doesn't take walk ins. It feels like we've been hit with a lot of negative lately. Please say a prayer for us that we can move through these obstacles quickly, and maybe even cheaply. Once we get through these delays, things should move quickly (we hope).</div>
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On the other side, we have experienced an awesome group of friends and family that have stepped up to help us along the way. They have prayed, encouraged us, and helped with fundraising. We are blessed to have them in our corner. I have to say, those people that are part of the support system of an adoptive family are just as important to the adoption as the actual family. It takes a village to raise a child. Sometimes it takes a village to pay the ransom on a child's life and get that child home. Today I am incredibly grateful for our small, but powerful village.</div>
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Pray for us today, because we are feeling frustrated and defeated. We are weary from the journey. We are worried for our daughter as she waits. We are worried as costs go up every time we have to redo something, but fundraising has done basically nothing yet. We are stressed and anxious. Please cover us in prayer as we continue this journey.</div>
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Thank you all for being part of our journey with us. I know adoption posts are supposed to be sunshine & rainbows so that I can convince others to adopt, but it wouldn't be honest if I didn't share the frustrating times too!</div>
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Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4445859233929328174.post-90648685727345493892015-09-07T08:34:00.005-07:002015-09-07T08:34:54.996-07:00Why I hate adoption<i>***HUGE DISCLAIMER*** Newborn adoption, where a biological mom immediately gives the child to an adoptive family is NOT what I'm talking about here! That is a very loving, selfless act, and is beautiful for all who are involved. Older child adoption and foster care adoption, these things are a little more messy... please read on...</i><br />
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Okay, so the title of this post is probably a little shocking. You see, I LOVE ADOPTION! I really, truly do. Our family has been blessed by a child through adoption, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Adoption has without a doubt made my life richer, fuller, more amazing. Adoption is a beautiful way to take a child from the depths of a tragic situation, and show them a new life. Adoption quite literally saves the lives of orphans in many cases. It gives them hope. It gives them a future with possibilities that could never have happened. But this weekend, we saw the hint of scars left behind, and I was reminded of how much I hate the other side of adoption.<br />
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You see, I HATE the brokenness that leads to many adoption scenarios. I HATE that our world is so broken that there are children dying in orphanages. I HATE that all across the world, children are given up to be raised in an orphanage simply because they are different. I HATE that children every day children from across the US come into foster care due to neglect, abuse, etc. I HATE that right now there is a family breaking apart at its seams, whether due to drugs, alcohol, poverty, abuse, or a million other factors. I HATE IT!<br />
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I love my adopted son more than life itself. In many ways, I am more fiercely protective of him than my bio children. He has already endured a lifetime worth of hurt and I want to protect him from more. He has walked through a journey that many people cannot handle, and he has emerged a beautiful, caring, compassionate boy. He is my hero. I could not imagine my life without him. But here's the catch: I wish with every fiber of my being that he could have had life without me. I would give up every moment of joy that he has brought my life if it meant that he could have lived a childhood with no trauma - just a childhood with loving parents in a functional home. Instead, he bears the scars of the past. I think maybe that's one of the most surprising aspects of adoption - that when you love a child and see how deep the scars run, you grieve for the child's past, you grieve for their biological parents, you find yourself wishing that you could have prevented these scars, because they are so deep that they are incredibly hard to heal.<br />
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Adoption involves trauma. We all want to carry this beautiful image of going up to the child, saying "We are your new parents", and the child falling into our arms in joy, and we all live happily ever after. That, my friends, is a myth. Any child who has been taken from everything he/she knows will be traumatized, sad, and/or grieving. Any child who has left biological parents, especially if they were old enough to remember them, will grieve for them, and will have doubts, questions, and fears about the adoption. And let's face it - kids who are adopted at older ages weren't simply lovingly given up so that they can have a better life. They were removed from a bad situation. These children bear the scars of abuse, neglect, institutionalization, or a million other factors. They have suffered trauma. Many times, they are scarred so deep that it seems like they will never heal. Those of us in the trenches parenting these children are in for a long, hard road. This parenting journey will never look like it does for "typical" families. We will often be judged by those around us for our unconventional parenting, for our poorly behaved child, for our family looking different, and for the different way we walk through this world. We find ourselves desperately seeking different counselors, looking for one who is knowledgeable in the murky world of childhood trauma. We spend our down time researching terms that we never knew existed, or that are unimaginable in a young child - RAD, PTSD, anxiety, depression, a million different learning disorders, nutritional deficiencies, etc. We spend our days teaching skills that should have been learned years before, correcting behavior, and trying again and again to explain to teachers, principals, Sunday School teachers and caregivers why your child needs different treatment, and how to work with your child. You begin to dread the calls from the school. You drastically change the way you parent, the way you interact with everyone in your household, the way you eat your meals, and on and on. Many, many adoptive parents have children with attachment disorders, and spend their lives making these sacrifices, but for a child who may rarely even show affection toward them. This is life in the trenches. It is dirty, complicated, scary work. But it is so worth it.<br />
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I HATE that my son has experienced trauma. I HATE seeing the scars that still remain. I HATE knowing that there are things that I just can't fix. I HATE knowing that his potential has been limited somewhat by the scars from the trauma. I HATE that he needs me to help fix his broken heart. But on the flip side, I LOVE watching the redemption of a life happen in front of my eyes. I LOVE IT! I LOVE seeing possibility happen. I LOVE seeing him come closer every day to reaching his full potential. I LOVE watching a life blossom, and a heart become opened. I LOVE when I can look back on where we started and realize that a scar has maybe, just maybe faded a little bit. I cannot get enough of his beautiful smile, his hugs, his love. I love that God has entrusted me with this beautiful life, and given me the opportunity to be a part of redeeming a broken story for God's glory. I love adoption, because it has given me the beautiful gift of this child, and it has given this child a chance to redeem a broken past and reach his potential.<br />
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<i>***another disclaimer*** Please know, I play a very small part in the redemption of his heart. I do not have the power to heal a broken heart. I am not capable of doing any of this on my own. God alone has written the story of this child's life. I am just lucky that God chose to give me and my husband a part to play in this story.</i><br />
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I wonder if this is what God feels like when we begin to walk with Him. I imagine Him beaming proudly when we overcome our past and let the scars fade a little more. I imagine him soaking it up when we freely show Him affection instead of withdrawing. I imagine Him gently interceding with people around us, saying "treat her gently, she has walked a hard path before finding Me". I imagine God delighting in our redemption, in our walk drawing closer to Him; in the same way I delight in every expectation that is shattered by my child.<br />
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I hate adoption, because of the scars left by the trauma that happened before adoption. I hate that our world is broken, and that innocent children are suffering. But I also love adoption, because I love that God uses normal people to help redeem the lives of these precious children. I love seeing God at work in ordinary families, when they step up to nurture a hurting child. Foster parents and adoptive parents: you are my heroes! You make a daily choice to live in the trenches for these precious children. I know it isn't easy, and I applaud you. You are being the hands and feet of Jesus.<br />
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If you can't adopt or foster, you are still important! We need cheerleaders to encourage us. We need respite care for an evening or weekend. We need donations to help fund our adoptions. Our children need mentors, teachers, tutors, coaches, Sunday School teachers, and family members to pour into their lives. The children waiting need advocates, cheerleaders, fundraisers, doctors, lawyers, counselors, mentors. There is something that we can ALL do. So pick something, whether big or small, and DO SOMETHING.<br />
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Don't know where to start? I invite you to walk along this journey with us as we journey to adopt another child who needs us. This time it is a beautiful little girl with special needs in Eastern Europe. Want to help right now? You can make a tax-deductible donation to our adoption fund at: http://reecesrainbow.org/76200/sponsoroden<br />
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Or find another family to contribute to at: www.reecesrainbow.org<br />
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Want to help us without giving anything? Pray with us as we journey down this path. Pray now that her heart be prepared for us, and that our adoption proceed as quickly as possible. And continue to pray for us in the days, months, and years to come as we parent in the trenches.<br />
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<br />Shandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00824205232375044179noreply@blogger.com0